


Who We Want To Be

by AloneShadow



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Ending, Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst and Feels, Bruce Banner Is a Good Bro, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Established Friendship, Fights, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Hurt Bucky Barnes, Hurt Tony Stark, Hurt!Steve, Memories, Memory Loss, Steve Feels, Tony Feels, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Violence, kind of mind games?, more info inside the fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-05
Updated: 2016-07-01
Packaged: 2018-07-12 10:21:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 25,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7098784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AloneShadow/pseuds/AloneShadow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve wake up in a hospital: he don't know why or how he arrived there.<br/>He'll find out that there are many, many things he don't know anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Intro

**Author's Note:**

> First multi chapt!  
> This is probably gonna be at least 4/5 chapt long.  
> The story can be collocated in the CA-Winter Soldier time, after Avengers 1 and Iron Man 3 anyway (and before Avengers AoU).  
> Special thanks to my Rainbow_Captain that beta'ed all the fic. Dear, without your help this fic could've been sooo more confusing, so thanks a lot!

_Explosions. Fire. Screams. They were all that he could hear.  
He was at war again? No one had managed to avoid the worst? Not even him...?_

Steve woke up with a gasp, breathing fast and keeping a tight grip on the blanket with clenched fists. He kept his eyes fixed on the white ceiling, on the round chandelier that was attached to it, slowly starting to distinguish the sounds of cars and birds.  
Turning his head, he found himself staring at the branches full of green leafs of a large tree outside a closed window: there was still light outside, but the sky was gray and promised rain.

Slowly he sat up in the bed and studied the area that he recognized as a hospital's room: the walls were a slight gray, a door on the right and one to the left, inside the room, probably the bathroom. He had different IVs attached to his arm and a bandaged hand; he touched the bandage around his head too, through his hair, and held a grimace of pain when he reach behind it.

He sighed, then noticed that on the nightstand next to the bed there was only a little bottle of water and some plastic glasses, nothing else either in the three drawers.  
He looked around again, uncertain, and began to remove the needles from his arm, moving his legs to get up, but his right leg sent an alarming flash of pain that forced him to cling to the nightstand, knocking down the plastic bottle.

"Damn..." Steve hissed through clenched teeth, sitting back on the bed again, moving to lift the bottom of the pants, finding a bandage just above his knee. He breathed deeply, trying to think, to understand... to remember. "Ugh." He immediately put a hand to his forehead, squeezing his eyes shut, hoping that the pain would pass.

"-gers? Steve?" A woman's voice brought him back to reality.

Steve opened his eyes and found a woman with long blond hair tied in a ponytail close to him, holding him by the shoulder. A second later he recognized the nurse's uniform.

"You alright?" She asked, uncertain.

"Not as good as I was hoping." He answered, still rubbing his head. He sighed and asked, "What happened? Where am I?" Sending a glance toward the door now ajar. 

“You have nothing to worry about, we-“ 

“Last time I woke up in a hospital, they tried to convince me that I was still in the 40s, so please, if you don’t want to see me leaving right now, I’d like to have some answers.” 

The woman stared at him a moment, then replied, "You had an accident. You are in Stirling's hospital, New Jersey."

He nodded slowly, "Okay... and why?"

"Like I said, you had an accident."

"What kind of accident?"

"Sorry but I don't know the details: you were hospitalized last night, a man called an ambulance that brought you here. From the wounds you have, I think you had some kind of fight with someone. A pretty bad one." 

"I don't-" Steve was starting to feel more and more confused, "Ma’am, I'm not the type who fights on the street, I can assure you that-"

"Call me Sharon."

"Steve. Rogers." He answered with a nod, "But I guess you already know that. "

"And that's the only thing we know. And the only question that you answered when you arrived." She said, a bit worried.

"I hadn't any documents- something on me?"

"Nothing at all. We believe that you've probably been a victim of aggression. You remember something about it?"

"No, I..." Steve tried to think about the past but the memories stopped at a single moment: a time that now seemed too far away.

"What's the last thing you remember?" Sharon asked, sitting down next to him.

"I was training." He answered, "I was in the gym... the only thing I was hitting was a punching bag." He smiled ironically, "But I don't think that's was what attacked me."

"Maybe someone followed you from there."

"I doubt it."

"You sure?"

Steve nodded, "It was a gym in New York. And it was summer."

-.-.-

The doctor was called shortly after and smiled when he saw him awake, sat in bed, "Mr. Rogers,. I must say, you sent most of the nurses of the night shift into panic, today. "

Steve smiled a bit, "Wasn't my intention."

"I'm Doctor Cadller. I would like to have a chat with you, if you don't mind?"

The other sighed, nodding, "Sure."

Sharon was waiting outside the room, arms crossed and looked up only when, about half an hour later, she saw the doctor come out, "How is he?" she asked. 

"Physically he's fine, the wounds are healing pretty fast. It's the head that seems to be the problem: his memories stops almost two years ago." He explained bitterly.

"He lost two years of memory?" Sharon repeated, incredulous.

"With that kind of blow to the head, it's a miracle that he hasn't ended up in a coma." Said the doctor, checking the folder in his hand, "He is a former soldier, Captain Steven Rogers. I hear something about him I think… Anyway, the blood test will give us some confirmation. You have the results?"

"They should be ready soon." She nodded. 

"Good. For now let him rest. The injury to his leg might have need some attention, he should've stay still in bed." He snorted, shaking his head.

"So... there’s no need to call the police?"

"I don't think it’s necessary. He probably just had a fist fight with some thug... there were no other calls tonight, right? "

"No. But, Doctor Cadller-"

He stopped, turning to face her.

"There's a chance that he'll be able to remember?"

"For now there's a good chance.” He nodded, “It could be only a matter of time. Depends on how he will cope."

Sharon nodded as the doctor walked away. She waited until he disappeared down the hall, then peered into the room, staring at one sad and tense Steve sat on the bed. She picked up the phone, dialing a number, moving away a bit to talk, "He's awake. Yes, he's fine, but... I think it's better for you to come and see in person."

In his room, Steve was staring at the floor, running his fingers over the bandaged hand, trying to remember what might have happened: he really got into a fight with someone? So aggressively? He never was the first to go searching for problems... What could've led him into a fight?

_Stop it!_

Steve winced, looking around, jumping up: it was him? It was his voice that he had heard just now?

He saw himself reflected on the window and took a deep breath as his eyes went from confusion to worried.

.-.-.-.-.-.

Note:  
In this intro I write that Steve have lost almost 2 years of memories of his past, after his awaking from the ice, so the story can be collocated in the CA-Winter Soldier time, after Avengers 1 and Iron Man 3 anyway (and before Avengers AoU).  
I'll try to not say or tag too much for not spoil the story.  
Sorry if something is not very clear at the beginning. Hope you stick with the story until the end :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably where the real story start x)
> 
> Hope you like it and thanks for reading!  
> 

_**Leave him alone!** _

_**You can't-** _

_**STEVE WAKE UP!** _

Steve jumped up in bed, banging his elbow against the bedside table, waking up short of breath and with a crazy heartbeat for the second time in two days.

He studied the whole room before allowing himself a sigh, leaning the back of his hand on his forehead: he couldn't remember if those were the same voices he had heard the day before... hell, he wasn't even sure that it was his own voice.

Steve shook his head, trying to breathe slowly. He looked up and raised his eyebrows, surprised: resting on a chair were clothes that seemed to fit him, a long sleeve dark red shirt and a pair of jeans.  
He thought about it only for a moment before wearing them, finally abandoning the hospital's tunic.

He checked the status of his injured leg that, however, seemed almost completely healed, _Will be funny to explain to the doctor.._ He thought with irony.

Once dressed, he opened the window, staring at the gray cloudy sky and the horizon tinted slightly pink. He checked the watch on the wall: six in the morning. He slowly went into the small bathroom, looking in the mirror, in the gloomy light: his blond hair was messier than usual, but there were no marks on his face, no wound or bruise, only the bandage around his head that he slowly touched with his fingers and again felt a little flash of pain in the same spot of the day before. 

He sighed again, then heard the bedroom door being slowly open. He stayed in the bathroom, the light still off, listening: it wasn’t Sharon.

The room was illuminated by the lights of the corridor outside; a few steps entered the room then a male voice, "That son of a-" and other quick steps towards the still open window, then the man barked some inelegant words and took something from his jacket: when he stopped at the foot the bed, Steve decided to jump into action and came up behind him like a ninja, grabbing his arm and kept it behind the man’s back, hearing something fall and shatter on the floor, clutching the other hand on the stranger's neck, slamming him against the wall, hearing him groan in pain.

"Who are you?" Hissed Steve with a cold voice.

"Damn, Rogers-"

"Who are you?!"

"OW- you're breaking my arm!"

Steve held him effortlessly, making any attempt to escape useless, "It will happen if you don't start to talk."

The other still tried to move, then sighed , "I am one that sure doesn't deserve a damn broken arm."

Steve tightened his grip on his wrist and felt him hold back another moan of pain, "Normally I’d like to have a civil conversation, but right now I’m not really in the mood to be friendly."

"What-" Doctor Cadller appeared in the doorway, a puzzled look fixed on them, "What is going on here? Mr. Stark, am I wrong or you were told to wait downstairs?"

“Doctors can't never keep their mouth shut…” he hissed against the wall.

Steve saw him sigh and shake his head under his grip, "Stark?" he repeated uncertainly, "Like... Howard Stark?" and slowly let him go. 

"I don't know if there are more out there, but yeah, I think that’s the one." Answered the other, turning, rubbing his wrist.

The doctor turned on the light and Steve stood there, staring at the young copy of his old friend Howard: in a elegant blue and gray suit, sunglasses on his nose, short and messy brown hair, eyes ready to study you to the bone, even almost the same beard on the face... it was something incredible and at the same time disturbing.

"Mr. Stark, please..."

"You're Howard's son?" 

"I guess I am." He then looked at the other, "It's okay Doc, I was just passing by."

"Then please, you can-"

"Passing by?" Steve stared at him again with doubt, "So you just came here, right in my room, by accident?"

"Why not?"

The doctor sighed, "Gentlemen, please..."

"Because it would be stupid."

"Well, everyone is free to think whatever they want"

"Wait." Steve grabbed him by the arm again when he saw him heading for the door.

"If you're going to throw me against the wall again-"

"I'm not, but I-" Steve looked at him seriously, but also with frustration, "I woke up just yesterday and I don't understand anything of what is going on and right now you seem the only one to treat me like a- like you know me." 

The young Stark stared at him for a moment then sighed, breaking free from him, turning to the doctor, "You heard him, doc?"

Doctor Cadller forced himself to stay calm and said "If Mr. Rogers agrees to talk with you..." staring at the soldier.

"I do." Steve answered. 

The doctor nodded, "I'll send a nurse in half an hour. Stark, try to keep your troubles out of here, am I clear?" With that said he left, closing the door behind him.

Steve allowed himself a sigh, then looked at the other and noticed him still holding his wrist in hand. "I'm sorry, I... I didn't mean to hurt you." He said, going in the bathroom again.

"Oh, I know you _mean_ to." Retorted the other, sitting on the table and a moment later found him back in the room, handing a wet rag. He took it, placing it on the pained wrist. When he looked up again, he found him staring at him, "What?" 

"Sorry." Steve looked away, sitting at the foot of the bed, running his hands over his face, "It's all so weird..."

Stark looked at him a moment then asked, "So... what did you want from me?"

Steve looked back at him with a dubious look, "I should be the one asking you that."

"Uhmmm no."

"Yes."

"Not at all."

"You're the one who came creeping into my room." He tilt his head a little, staring intently at him, "You were afraid that I’d escaped through the window."

"Oh really?"

"I heard you."

"You probably heard wrong."

"I doubt it. Listen, Stark..." Steve sighed, straightening his back, "Are you going to continue like this? Because right now I need help, not being teased." 

The other kept his eyes down for a long moment, then said, "Call me Tony. Enough with that _Stark_ , I'm not my father."

"Tony... right." Steve nodded slowly and saw him look back at him, "I read your name on the papers. You... you know who I am? I mean, who I really am?"

"If you're asking me if I know that you are Captain America, yes, I know, like lots of other people. I contributed to the program to wake you up from your state of popsicle, by the way." Tony replied, trying not to throw the wet rag right in the soldier's face.

"Oh... I see. Yeah, I think I remember something about it, some months after I woke up, but you-"

"But I wasn't there in person." Tony finished for him.

Steve nodded again, "So that's why you're here? You heard about my accident?"

"I was told you don't remember anything of it."

"I don’t. And it seems that almost two years of my memory disappeared as well. "

Tony looked at him seriously and asked "What's the last thing you remember?"

"I was training in the gym. In New York. Was- uh... I think a few months after I woke up from the ice." Explained Steve and for a moment he swore he saw the young Stark clench his fists, but it lasted only a few seconds.

When the silence became almost awkward, Tony stood up, wandering around in the room, "Yeah, that's why I came here. You know, personal interest. No need to say that lots of people are keeping an eye on you, right?"

"You too?" 

"Among many others, I’m the least boring." He answered with a shrug.

Steve sighed, "I know... I mean, I imagined to be under control. Can you tell me what happened to me? I really got into a fight with someone?"

"I arrived only today and the news haven't spoken of Captain America becoming a thug. "

"Ok… then there's someone who can tell me?"

"I was trying to make few calls..." Tony reached down beside the bed and took one piece of the broken phone then sighed, staring at the other, "but a soldier suddenly attacked me."

"Sorry." Said Steve, picking up another part of it and handed it to him, "I thought you were one of those people who were _keeping an eye on me_. I don't know exactly what else they could want from me. I was clear about not want to join any organization... for now, at least." 

"Oh really...?" Commented slowly Tony, staring at him. 

He nodded then looked suddenly uncertain at him, "You work for them?"

"Uh? Oh no. Absolutely not. I like giving orders, more than receiving them." Tony replied immediately, trying to fix the phone, but with poor results.

Steve was still sitting on the bed, next to him, and then asked, "So... you can help me figure out what happened?"

"Not that I have much of a choice, have I?" Tony said, looking sideways. 

"You don't have to. I can look for information on my own."

“Yeah, right.” Tony chuckled, "Come on, I guess it's time to get you out of this prison." 

.-.

Steve stared at the gray sky above, then the small town out of the hospital courtyard, arms crossed over his chest and looking at the cars passing by sporadically in the front street: he still couldn't understand how he got there, or why. He sighed and gazed on a pair of children playing ball near the small bar before turning to the hospital entrance from where Tony was coming, and Sharon smiled and waved a hand at the soldier from the entrance. He returned the gesture with a small smile.

"Sorry but for now you'll have to settle just for a few hours of free air. Cold, freezing air that apparently don't bother you one bit." Tony said, adjusting his glasses on his nose and clutching at his jacket. The air was too cold for him.

"I figured that I couldn't leave yet." Nodded the soldier, still with only the red shirt on, "But I m kind of surprised that not even a Stark it's not enough to change their mind."

Tony took a deep breath, straightening his back with pride but then snorted a half-laugh, "I admit that Doctor Cadller is a tough one. Come on, they verbally threatened me if I don't kept you hydrated." And moved toward the bar.

"You're going to tell me why you're here anytime soon?" Steve asked while following him, "Not that it's a bad thing finding someone who recognizes me but I don't think we ever had the chance to meet in person, before. I mean, after I woke up. From the ice." 

Tony paid for the bottle of water and turned to look at him, sending a hand forward, "Anthony Stark."

Steve gave him a little smile and sigh, "You know what I mean. And don't get me wrong, I have often thought to try to meet you for some chats, about the past and... other things."

"Really?" Said the other with interest. 

"Yes. Well, about Howard and my awakening... I had no idea that he had a child, it was a surprise."

Tony nodded slowly and threw him the little bottle, "A surprise among a thousand, you mean." 

"Yeah." Steve replied, catching it on the fly, then following him toward one of the benches located under a small group of trees, "In a way it was comforting." He saw the inventor sit down and found himself staring in silence at him and again saw him look up and notice it, "Sor-"

"Enough with the apologies." Tony stopped him raising a hand, "I'm famous for my inventions and my charm, we both know it. Don't worry about it, I'm used to it." 

Steve blushed slightly, "I don't usually stare at people like this. Probably it’s because you remind me of your father a lot." He saw him keep his gaze down, so decided to change the subject, "So, you can help me understand what happened, now?”

Tony appeared to think about something that forced him to take a deep breath and pass a hand through his hair. 

"You said you've been watching me." Said Steve, trying to help him. 

"Just to make sure that Captain America wouldn't got lost in the big America of the future." Said Tony and then, saw him still waiting for a proper answer, he just looked down in silence again.

Steve waited a moment, "If you know something..."

"From what I know you've retired." Tony interrupted, without looking at him, "I know you lived in New York, above a gym, probably the one you remember."

"Ok... Nothing else?" 

"Hey, I wasn't spying on each moment of your life. It was enough to know that you were alive. "

Steve thought for a moment and then said softly, "Thank you... I guess."

"Don't thank me, I've never done anything. Me, and the others, we just make sure that you-" Tony stopped and pulled a little back when he found the hand of the soldier next to his face, removing his glasses. 

Steve stared at his brown eyes for a moment, then the purple bruise next to one of them caught his full attention. "What happened to you?" 

Tony looked away, taking back his glasses and placing them again on his nose.

"Tony, what happened?" Steve insisted.

"Starks are famous inventors and scientists, you know. Accidents happens."

"That's not an accident. I have been punched a lot too, I know the difference."

"Really?" He saw him stare with a so _I’m Captain America, don’t you dare lie to me_ look, that couldn't stop himself from lifting the eyes to the sky, "It's nothing, don't worry about it. I'm not the one who has lost his memory."

"You were there, weren't you?" Steve said, "Whatever happened to me, has to do with you in some way as well. That's why you're here." The voice was as serious as never before, "If you know something- "

"Steve..."

"Why you can't tell me? We knew each other already? We were friends?"

Tony sighed, "I should be the one asking you that."

"What that’s supposed to mean? What is it that you can't tell-" Steve spun around, hearing a scream of pain: the courtyard was gone, as well as the hospital, the bar, the kids. In its place there was a large street that preceded a sort of town hall, then he turned to see a man fly over the streets, long dark hair and an arm that looked like silver.

Steve stared at him uncertainly then he saw something bright leave the group of trees and a dark shadow blow something up against the other guy, then a flash of light and Steve found himself screaming before he even realized it.

.-.-.-.-.  
Note:  
Tony to the rescue!  
Kind of...


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story need more action!  
> *regret all the action parts when translating into english*

"I told him to wait."

"Doctor, please ..."

"No, it was stupid on my part to leave Stark free to do whatever he wanted."

"It could've happened at any moment."

"And luckily they were still here. What if Stark had taken him around in the city?"

"Stark is immature, but not stupid."

"Sharon, I understand that he's your friend, but-"

"Isn't it good that he had started to remember?"

"It should be a gradual process, not forced to-"

"Please..." muttered Steve interrupting them and they both turned towards him, "could you lower your voice?" He finished, holding a hand over his eyes. He heard Sharon free a relieved sigh.

"Captain Rogers, how do you feel?" Asked Dr. Cadller, standing next the bed.

"As if I could finally get drunk after seventy-four years." Steve turned his head towards him, "What happened?"

"You had a relapse." Said Sharon, standing next to the doctor, "Did you remembered something?"

Steve shook his head slowly, "Not much."

"Captain, the memory isn't something to play with. There's a reason I didn't want you to leave your room yet."

"I'll have to remember sooner or later, right?" He looked at him a bit worried, "Right?"

The doctor took a deep breath, "Your genes will probably fill the gaps in a short time, but hastening the process like this could cause more damage so please, Captain America or not, try not to overdo it."

"It wasn't my intention, I was just-" Steve suddenly looked at him, "You know who I am?” 

“Mister Stark explained some things to us, yes.” 

Steve stared at him for a moment, then asked, “I was with Stark- Tony. Where is he?" 

"I guess he had some urgent business to attend to, because he ran away before I could banish him from my hospital." Hissed the doctor.

"He left?" Steve let his head fall on the pillow again. He thought about the black eye he had seen on the inventor's face and wished he had asked more about it.

"And that's a good thing, believe me." The doctor heard the pager ring and sent a look at it, then back at his patient, "Duty calls. I will come back this evening. For now you stay here and rest, okay?"

Steve nodded with a sigh and when he saw him leave the room, he looked at Sharon, "Can you tell me what really happened, now?"

She smiled wryly, crossing her arms, "You suddenly started screaming and Tony called for help. You calmed down only when we put you in bed... or should I say when you passed out." She sat down on the nearby chair, "You managed to scare him."

Steve raised his eyebrows.

"Tony." She said, "He was as white as a ghost. He had stayed until we had you under control, then he left without saying a word to anyone. The people that were outside said you two were discussing..."

"We weren't _arguing_." He clarified, "I saw that he had a black eye but he didn't want to tell me about it."

"And why should he?"

Steve opened his mouth to reply, closed it and sighed, "I don't know. I was just…"

"Worried about a stranger?" She said, smiling slightly.

"Maybe it’s because he's the son of an old friend... but I'm not sure he is a complete stranger to me."

Sharon looked at him a moment then said, "You think he might know something about what happened to you?"

"He's a Stark. If there's anyone able to help me, it's him." Steve pulled up a bit, trying to sit, "But I doubt that I had made a good first impression." 

"Would you want him to stay?"

Steve shrugged, "Maybe he really was just passing by... just to make sure his father's experiment was still in one piece." He said with a tired smile but when he looked at her, she wasn't smiling. She was kind of sad. 

"Do you really think that? To be just an experiment for him? And for the others?"

Steve saw her blushing and look down, probably realizing too late that she had said too much. He smiled a bit, shaking his head, "You're working for Stark, right? Or for someone else? What was it- the Shield?"

Sharon looked at him in surprise, "You-"

"I remember director Fury came and talked to me about it, yeah." He interrupted her coldly, "I was at the gym, always the same gym... and I told him I was not interested. And for that, he put me under control." 

"Steve it's not like that, I-"

"I've seen and got through a lot in the past, and in this _future_ as well, but being teased and used is something I really can’t stand.” He said staring at her with pure, cold seriousness.

"I did want to tell you. I lied about being a simple nurse, that's true, I work for the Shield, but I'm not here officially. I'm not here because of them."

"Then why?" 

"Tony Stark called me and ask me to keep an eye on a person, I didn't know that it was you." She replied, equally serious, "I don't even know what happened to you. You were already here when I arrived and Tony was already gone. I couldn't even talk to him in person, Steve, I swear."

Steve stared at her then said "You should've told me." 

"I know. I'm sorry..." 

"So Tony really knows what happened to me."

Sharon shrugged, "Probably. You should ask to him in person. I’ve tried to call him for hours but he doesn't answer. I'll keep trying and make him come back here." She got up from the chair, looking sad, "I'm sorry I lied. I had only the best intentions."

Steve almost laughed, "Liars perfect excuse." He commented without looking at her.

She sighed and left the room, closing the door.

Steve grabbed the blanket in his fists, then shook his head and stood up: it was time to act on his own.

.-.-.

Not even half an hour later, Steve was on the ground floor of the hospital, coming out of a little room wearing a dark green hoodie over a black shirt and a pair of jeans. He walked calmly toward the exit doors, taking a hat from a hanger. He looked toward the doors and saw three men dressed in black uniforms coming in: he turned to a lady sitting in patient's waiting and pretended to talk to her while the group of men went to the stairs. "Not suspicious at all, guys." He murmured, shaking his head.

"Are you all right, young man?" Asked the old lady, adjusting the small glasses on her nose.

"Yes ma'am, excuse me." He touched the hat in salute and left the hospital, speeding up his walk when he was outside the gates. 

The town of Stirling had very little traffic on the streets, certainly less than the memory he had of New York. Holding the hoodie over the hat to protect himself from the rain that was starting to fall again, he watched the shops on the roadsides, people who walked with mobiles in hand, sitting in parks with computer on their lap...

Steve sighed resignedly then an idea came in his mind and he started running for the nearest city map.

 

Around lunch time, he went through the large glass doors of the Long Hill Library, removing the now wet hood but not the hat that was still keeping the bandages around his head hidden. He ran a hand down his wet face as he watched the small but well-stocked library and the shelves filled with books in front of him and on the second floor.  
He turned hearing someone clear his throat.

A lady with an uncertain look was staring at him intently, "Can I help you?"

"I hope so, ma'am." He answered with a slight smile, "Is it possible to see the newspapers from three days ago?"

"Sure." Nodded the lady in the gray dress, the same color of her short and fluffy hair. "Are you searching for some information in particular?"

"Uh, no, is just for... political interest."

"Oh." She nodded checking some archives on the pc, then making her way upstairs where she brought him in front of one of the computers, turned it on and, after some checking, invited him to sit down, "Here you go. You know how to navigate through the news?"

He nodded, "Thanks." He saw her watching him carefully for a moment and almost wondered if he had _sorry, I come from the past_ written on his forehead. He waited until she was gone down below, and only then sat down, controlling the first newspaper from three days before, even if most of the news wasn't what he was looking for.  
Steve sent a look below, where two boys were looking for who knows what in two big boxes full of books: a boy in a t-shirt and jeans and one in a purple shirt with glasses on his face were talking about something.

_Steve, tell me none of this smells a little funky to you?_

_Blueberries?_

Steve put a hand to his head with a grimace: that was Tony's voice. And the other was… it was someone else, someone he knew... but who? 

He sighed, shaking his head a bit to clear his thoughts and finally noticed something: the news of an explosion in a park not far from Stirling but further south. There was apparently nothing special written about who could be the responsible, but the fact that the journalist had described the scene as – "half of the zone reduced to a battlefield and a bridge collapsed" was enough for make Steve run downstairs and ask for more info.

The lady thought for a moment then said, "Yes, the news also talked about it. Honestly I think it was just some gas pipes badly maintained. That park is pretty old."

Steve sighed patiently, "I see... any chances you have some recordings of that news here?"

"No, I'm sorry."

The soldier nodded sadly, already thinking about how to reach the incident site.

"Take a look on Youtube maybe?"

Steve turned around, finding the boy in t-shirt and jeans leaning next to him "Sorry, what?"

"Youtube. I bet someone has posted some video of the incident." He repeated with his back against the counter, playing with his cell phone for a moment, "Here." He said soon after, handing him the small device.

Steve took it with a nod of thanks, then stared in concentration at the video being played.

"It's horrible that someone is always ready to record this things." Commented the lady with a look of disappointment.

"We are in the era of technology, Madge, no one can hide anything anymore." Said the boy with a grin, then he looked better at the soldier, "Dude, what have you done to your head?"

Steve didn't hear him: he stared at the video where the park appeared with a little river and then someone, a man, was thrown at least five meters away on a metal bridge connecting two high cliffs; someone else was running on the other side and seemed to fight back, then the man with the silver arm appeared for a moment before something went against him and the blow made all the scene shake, almost making fall the phone that was recording, among the screams of fear of who was watching the whole scene from below; the graphics were unclear, it seemed to be afternoon; the camera focused one last time on the scene where the bridge was starting to crack in the middle and something flashed before the video ended. And it was something that Captain America recognized instantly.

"Is he all right?" Asked the boy in the purple shirt as he reached them, eyeing the soldier with a puzzled look. 

"Thank you. I- I have to go now. Thank you very much." Steve said, leaving the phone on the counter, running towards the exit under the uncertain gaze of the other three.

Steve reached the walls around the library before being forced to lean on one of the street lamps, pressing a hand on his head, feeling the rain beating on the hat.

_Sometimes there isn’t a way out, Tony._

_Right, I’ve heard that before._

_Is this the first time you lost a soldier?_

_We are NOT soldiers._

Again the image of the man with the silver arm appeared like a flash so sudden and violent that almost hurt. 

Steve dropped on one knee, praying that the pain would pass. When he felt someone put a hand on his shoulder, he acted more by instinct than by anger and grabbed the stranger’s arm to throw him to the ground.

"Waitwait-it's me!"

Steve took all the strength he had to stop the movement and instead of smashing him on the concrete, managed to just let him roll off from his back, still holding him on the floor with both hands grabbing the elegant suit, "Damn it, Stark..."

Tony was clinging at his hoodie with one hand and at the arm that was holding him with the other, the glasses fell from his face, "A bit aggressive, don't you think?" 

"I could’ve really hurt you this time." Hissed Steve, the breath still fast and tense. Slowly he stood up, pulling up the other with him.

"But you stopped, no harm done." Tony said, straightening his jacket, "Are you okay? You seemed a bit... off."

"How'd you find me?" Steve stared at him intently, then looking around, "Who else is with you now?"

"No one. I told you, I prefer to work alone."

"Alone like _with Sharon_?" 

"Uhm... yeah, sorry about that. Not really alone maybe, but I am now. I swear." 

Steve stared at him with a wary look, "I heard you had left town."

"I heard you wanted me to come back." Tony grabbed the glasses from the ground and used them to indicate an area under the roof of the library, "Do you mind? I'm not really good-looking like you all drenched under the rain." He said, going to take cover.

Steve took a deep breath and slowly followed him, "How did you find me?" He asked again. 

"You talked about search for information. I figured you wouldn't enter the first Apple Store in sight." He turned to look at him and saw his puzzled look, "I figured you'd concentrated more on the old-fashioned kind of research." He explained, pointing at the library with the glasses. "Sure you're not making things easier running away in solo mission." 

"Do you really expected me to stay in that hospital room without doing anything?"

"I expected to find you there when I returned." He snorted. 

"Sharon said that you had already left the city."

"Yes, and clearly I change my mind a lot." When he looked back at him, he noticed that he was staring back at the bruise on his eye. "You're doing it again."

Steve moved his eyes back on his and shook his head, uneasily, "You still haven't told me what happened to you."

"I told you it was an accident."

"Then why do you try to hide it with the glasses?"

They stared at each other for a moment, then Tony put the glasses in the jacket's pocket and crossed his arms.

"There was an explosion in a park not far from here." Steve said, "I saw a video. There were people fighting."

"And you think you were one of them?"

"I am sure of it."

"And may I ask why?"

"Because I saw my shield." 

Tony stared at him for a long moment, then asked "Youtube?"

"Youtube."

"Damn Youtube..."

"Why don't you just tell me?" Steve insisted tiredly, "Why don't you just tell me what happened in that park? How I lost my memory?"

"The doctor said to go easy on the memories."

"Oh, come on." Barked Steve looking away, hands on his hips.

Tony stared at the straight and large back of the captain and sighed, thinking for a moment, then took a deep breath and said, "If I told you that I did it for your own good?" He saw him stare back at him again, "If I told you that was the best thing to do, would you believe me? "

"I don't know you well enough to trust you... or I don't _remember_ that I can trust you yet." He said with a serious voice, "And sure you're not making it better lying about the situation."

"I haven't lied to you."

"Yeah, you didn't say anything at all. Better that way, right? It makes everything easier." Steve replied, watching the rain falling down, then he asked "I did something bad? I hurt someone?"

"No."

"Then why-"

"You're right, ok? It makes everything a lot more easier." Tony interrupted him, leaning his back against the wall, running a hand over his eyes.

"It makes it easier for who?"

Tony looked at him wearily and found him closer, staring at him, "Maybe for everyone. Including yourself." He said, lowering his eyes, "But I knew it wouldn't last long."

Steve stared at him in silence for a moment then said, "We have really fought together in the past.”

Tony looked at him, "Did you remember something?"

"Only voices. Including yours."

"Oh yeah?"

Steve nodded, saying with curiosity, "Blueberries?"

Tony blinked his eyes, then let out a laugh, "Of all the things you could remember..." He said, shaking his head.

"Why did you offer me blueberries?"

"It would take too long to explain... and probably wouldn't make any sense anyway." Tony sighed and looked at him, "You will remember at some point. It's always like this with you: the more someone try to keep you away from something, the more you understand everything."

"And it’s a bad thing?"

"It's unnerving, that's for sure." Snorted the other. 

Steve took a deep breath, "I've already lost more than seventy years of existence, Tony." He looked him straight in the eye, "I will not lose any more time, or memories. If you know that sooner or later I will remember, then tell me what happened. Now."

"I'll do something better." Said Tony breaking away from the wall, "Come on, let's take a ride." He came out of the library area, turned the corner and found the billionaire's red car.

Steve stared uncertain at the car and then at his owner, "Where are we going?"

"You have seen the video, right? We're going right there. I'll take you to the heart of the problem. In the best case, you will return into a coma." Said Tony climbing into the car.

Captain America leaned against the car roof, staring at him, "And in the worst case?"

"You will send _me_ into a coma." Sighed Tony, starting up the engine.

 

Note:  
I'm not from the U.S.A. so i have searched for a city to use in this story only on the internet and I just thought to say that yes, Stirling it is a real town in New Jersey, New York, part of Long Hill. The library I have used is not exatcly in Stirling, even if is not very far. The correct and full name of the library is Long Hill Township Library. I didn't research for a Stirling Hospital, so that one is all from my mind. Like probably most the park in the next chapter *sad face*. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The truth always comes out. One way or another." 
> 
> And we're almost there. 
> 
> Again, the Park in this chapter is real, called Passaic River County Park and... well, is very close to Stirling, so i put it a bit more far away from the city.  
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> **Beta'ed by Rainbow_Captain**

The rain seemed to give a break in the afternoon, but that didn't do much for the atmosphere in the red car that was heading toward River Park.

Tony was trying not to look at the man sitting next to him too often, but he felt the captain's eyes over himself almost half of the ride, the rest of the time Steve just looked out the window and then back at him, and so on for the whole hour and a half that it took for them to reach the area full of trees and rivers.

"Steve, I'm going to kick you out of the car if you don't stop it right now." Said Tony with an exasperated voice, no longer able to shut up.

"What?"

"Do you think I can get you somewhere against your will? The park is in front of us, I'm not handing you over to anybody."

"I know."

"You know but you don't believe me."

"…If you want to put it that way."

Tony muttered something in a resigned tone and finally parked the car next to a small wooden house, a bar maybe, but it was closed at the moment. "Worst trip ever, really." He said, going to open the trunk.

Steve followed, breathing the fresh air that smelled of rain and grass, then he turned and froze when he saw him hold up a strange device, some kind of little metallic plane, slightly larger than a hand, with a disc on top, "What's that?"

"Something that will tell us if we get some unwanted company around here..." Said Tony pressing some buttons on it, keeping the machine in the palm of his hand, "Whenever you want, JARVIS."

Steve raised his eyebrows before seeing the device take off without making any noise, and winced when he heard a third voice coming from the car.

"FT3 online and waiting for instructions, Sir."

"Who-"

"Great. Let it take a ride around here while I take the captain on a trip. Take some photos of the accident zone, alright?" Tony said watching the little android fly away and out of sight in the woods. He then looked down at the other and raised his eyebrows, "You're doing it again."

Steve shook his head, closing his eyes for a moment, "No, I wasn't staring at you... I remember that name: JARVIS. Was- it's a computer... you created it yourself."

"It would be more accurate to call myself an artificial intelligence." Said JARVIS itself from the car's control panel, "And I am pleased to see you in good health, Captain Rogers." He greeted.

"Thank you..." Murmured the other, uncertain.

"You two had always managed to get along pretty well." Commented Tony with irony, "Come on, better start moving. I should've brought my trekking shoes..."

"You haven't brought your suit?" Asked Steve and both froze, surprised. The soldier looked at him again, "Yeah, you- you're Iron Man. I've read about your announcement to the world." 

"Cap, maybe you shouldn't-"

Steve put his hand on the car and the other on his head while several memories of Iron Man flashed everywhere in his mind. When he could take in a deep breath, he found Tony in person next to him, staring uncertain. "We- we really fought together." He said, still sore.

Tony sighed in relief, "See? That's why the doctor hates me. "

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that you have years of memory to get back and you're remembering it all together like a smoothie with a damn cherry on top. And I don't want to be that cherry."

Steve blinked for a moment, confused, then shook his head, "I want to remember, it isn't a problem for now."

" _For now_." Tony sighed, turning to reach the beginning of the path: there were wide and flat gray stones to make their way. "A mix of memories will not help much. You should, you know, talk to someone... not a psychologist, stay away from those, but maybe you actually could have a lot to talk about- no offense, I know a lot has happened in two years and ok, maybe I'm not making things easier but-" Tony stopped to look at the sky and the soldier slammed against his back, almost sending him to the ground.

Steve grabbed him by the shoulder to help him stay on his feet, shaking his head a little, "Sorry." He looked a bit surprised, "Aliens in New York?"

Tony rolled his eyes, "Yeah, aliens in New York." He sighed, starting to walk again, "Can you stop remembering things for two minutes? I'm trying to have a serious conversation here."

"And it's hard to say what is more important at the moment, me remembering or you talking, huh?" Steve snorted following him, thinking, "So... in the end I agreed to work with the SHIELD." And again almost slammed against him when he stopped again.

"Don't trust them too much." Tony said, without turning around, walking away again.

Steve raised his eyebrows, "I can't trust them but I can trust you?"

"Exactly. You'll see that there are more points in my favor." 

"So it wasn't you who called those guys in dark suits I saw in the hospital?"

Tony turned to look at him, unsure, "What guys?"

"Sir, the area ahead looks clear." The voice of JARVIS seemed to come from the clock that the inventor was wearing.

Both looked down at it, then Tony said in a serious voice, "Maybe it wasn't such a great idea bringing you here."

"We are enemies of the SHIELD now?" Asked Steve.

"Maybe."

Steve ran his hand over his face, "Why don't you just TELL ME what happened?"

"Because I don't know-" Tony paused, breathing deeply before lowering his voice and said "Because I don't know who I can trust." 

Steve sighed, looking worried, "Who was guilty about the accident, you or me?"

Tony closed his eyes for a long moment; when he opened them again, they were tense and a bit sad, "I don't know, Steve. Depends on the points of view, I guess. "

Steve looked at him patiently and came closer, resting a hand on his shoulder, "Then help me to remember, so then I can help you as well."

Tony laughed softly, "We'll see." He said starting to lead the way. 

They walked some kilometers under the sky shaken by thunder while Steve remembered almost all the fight in New York against Loki and the creation of the Avengers team and obviously he asks confirmation about everything, "So I accepted the job in the end? And you too? But aside the armor you don't have super powers? "

"Yes, kind of yes and no, I don't have the strength of Captain America or the chance to become Hulk but let's say that I'm still not completely useless." Tony replied staring ahead with an annoyed look.

"I never said that you are." Steve was walking almost side by side with him now, trying to piece together the memories of the first real battle after his awakening. He smiled and said, "Dr. Banner. He was the other one that I've heard." Then he looked at Tony, "You have offered blueberries to him as well... when we were talking about the weapons that the SHIELD kept hidden."

Tony slowed his pace. 

"That's why you said to not trust them?" Steve asked. 

"Everyone has their secrets, Captain. You just have to figure out who hides the worst ones."

" _ **I**_ have to. Right. Because you already know." Steve said, an annoyed stare pointed at him.

Tony started to reply, but the yellow police tape just ahead of them caught his attention: the path was blocked by tapes and notes ordering to turn back. "You sure about this?" Tony asked, "You still can just- turn around and go home. We could go to eat something... I think I saw a nice Japanese restaurant not far from here. I’m really in the mood for some sushi. "

Steve smiled a bit, "Maybe later." He passed over the tapes and proceeded on the road. 

Tony looked sadly at him and followed quietly. 

Leaving the forest, they found themselves under the gray sky still shaken by thunder and in front of what looked like an old warehouse located on a little zone of cement. Steve walked toward it and leaned against the bars that looked out over a little lake created by a large but short river falling from a waterfall not far ahead: a nice spot for the tourists where they could take pictures, probably. In front of him, over the river, there was a high cliff face from which, on top, started a metallic bridge leading to the other side, into the woods behind the warehouse, but now that bridge was split in half: most of it was hanging from the cliff and ended in the river while the other part was suspended in the air, who knows for how long.

"We did that?" Steve asked, turning to the other that was slowly coming closer, "We destroyed that bridge?"

"Compared to New York, it's not that bad."

"Tony..."

"What can I say? We had to fight."

"We had a fight against who?" Steve asked. He saw the inventor look down so he took a few steps towards him, "Against who?" He repeated angrily, "Was it against the man with the metal arm?"

Tony looked at him carefully and nodded.

"Do you know who he is? We knew him?"

"Not me. But you did."

_Who the hell is Bucky?_

"UGH" Steve put both hands to his head, sure that this time would've break in half while other memories flowed into his mind: moments of struggle, more blood, more pain... and the man with the metal arm. The Winter Soldier...

"-ve! Steve, come on..." Tony held him by the arm, not knowing what else to do.

"Bucky is dead..." 

"Steve, listen-"

The soldier looked at him with anger and worry, "He's dead! How is it possible that he-" and other memories came: a red-haired woman talking to him about the Winter Soldier; Captain America that suddenly was a threat for the SHIELD; the fight against Bucky... Bucky, the Winter Soldier, trying to kill him and then... and then...

Steve broke free from Tony's grip and turned towards the river. Still shaken, he jumped over the bars and landed on the shores of the river, walking into the water and on the stones, towards the remains of the bridge that were disturbing the waterway. 

"Steve, what are you doing?" Tony called, then, with a sigh, followed him.

Steve stepped into the cold water that reached to his ankles, and stopped only when he was in front of the collapsed bridge: a wall of iron and steel that was still sending worrying noises from every piece of it. He kept his gaze high, searching for damages, some signs of a fight, and other battlefield memories flashed in my mind. He closed his eyes, trying to focus on them, waiting for the pain to pass.

Tony stopped a few steps from him, into the water, saying nothing.

"I have to go up there." Steve said.

"You sure you can do it?"

"I have to."

"We could use-" Tony saw him start to climb the slightly oblique wall and sighed resignedly, "another way. Ok, nevermind, I'll wait here... climbing with bare hands is definitely not my forte." 

Steve continued to cling wherever it was possible until he rested an elbow on the road on top of the cliff and look straight ahead: the area before the bridge, a small plain, was dotted with destroyed trees, some burned or pierced by bullets; there were at least two large spot where something had hit the ground, same thing on the left, on a big rock.  
He climbed onto the bridge completely and watched the scene in silence until...

_…don’t let him cross the bridge._

Steve winced at the memory of something hitting him and turned to the other side of the bridge where he noticed something.  
Standing on the edge of the broken bridge, looking down where Tony was watching, Steve calculated the distance between the two sides in about five meters. He ran back into the plain, then took a deep breath staring at the other side and began to run, jumping from the edge and landing on the opposite side, making what was left of the bridge tremble. He swayed a moment and clung to the iron girders, trying to don’t fall down. 

"Steve, you have to get your memory back, but can you please try not to kill yourself in the attempt?" Shouted Tony from the river.

"If it's the only way..." said the soldier, still staring at the forest on that side and at the waterfall at his right. He looked up and jumped on an abandoned car, then up on the beams that formed the roof of the bridge. Once on top, he slowly walked closer to one of the large iron columns and took a deep breath: his shield was stuck in it, at least half of it. He stared at it for a long moment, looking at the other side, trying to remember if it was him who had thrown it during the fight, then he grabbed the shield with both hands, pulling until it was finally free. 

_You killed him..._

Steve winced and turned to the battle zone on the other side of the bridge, remembering something that made him tighten his grip on the shield.

Tony shook his head slowly, staring at the captain, "Of course, take your time, keep climbing... we have time to lose, after all." He sighed, running a hand over his face, "J, how's the situation?" He asked and looked up when he saw the drone flying closer.

"Sir, I fear that-"

A gunshot startled the inventor and shattered the drone that fell down, crashing on the stones.

Tony turned and took a few steps back, "Ok... score for the creepy guys in black." He said, staring at four men in dark uniforms, each holding a gun on him, "SHIELD? Guys, we're on the same team." 

"Where is Captain Rogers?" Asked one of them as they came closer.

Tony looked at them carefully, "Fake SHIELD, then."

"Where is Steve Rogers?" He asked again.

"No idea. I'm searching for him too. You know, he's an old man after all, loves to walk in the open air, staring at the rain... I think I just lost him somewhere in the-"

Two of them fired and Steve landed just in time to protect Tony from the bullets that rattled against the shield, then he lowered it, staring coldly at the enemies.

Tony lowered his arms with which he had tried to protect himself and stared at the soldier in front of him, then at the shield, "Oh, you found it."

"Captain Rogers, you must come with us. Now." Said one of the four.

"What if I say no?" 

"Then we'll have to convince you."

"Good luck with that." Tony snorted.

Steve snapped forward against the enemies without waiting any longer: kicked away the first, hitting the second with the shield, making him lose his gun; he raised the shield again to protect himself from bullets before exchanging a few punches with the third, sending him into the water with a punch and hit the fourth in the face with the shield, make him fly meters away.  
Steve got up slowly, before he heard a groan and turned around just in time to see Tony give a kick to the first man who had flown in his direction, still armed. 

Tony kicked the gun away, "Well, I think it'll be better if-" but looking up at the soldier he stopped smiling: on Captain America's face there was the coldness and distrust that had been directed against him only the first time they met… well, both first times. He took a deep breath and nodded, "You remembered. Awesome. Can we talk about it in a safer place? Because soon here there'll be a nice and not very friendly party-"

"You lied to me." Interrupted Steve, "All this time."

"Yeah, ok, now can we- "

"You just-" 

The sound of an approaching helicopter drove them both to look up and after few seconds the vehicle appeared above the bridge, pointing a machine gun at them.

"I hate being right every time." Said Tony running back towards the woods from which they had arrived.

Steve stood in place, staring with anger at the helicopter and then he threw the shield at it, hitting its side: the vehicle began to turn on itself, trying to remain stable while the machine gun started to fire.

"Forget it, we have to-" Tony clung at the bars to climb but he saw cars arrive there, blocking the road, "Damn... J, emergency plan A."

"Are you sure, Sir?"

"We have no choice: we need the team." He hissed at the bracelet, dropping back into the river, turning just in time to be thrown to the ground by Steve who covered both of them with the shield while the burst of gunfire rattled around them, making the soldier's arm tremble; he closed his eyes and gritted his teeth trying to keep the shield in place while the bullets keep hitting it: he felt a bullet hit his hat, sending it into the water, then a groan from the other curled up against him. "Ready to run." He said without looking at him.

"Yes, sir." Said Tony, trying to stay on his knees.

Steve waited for the machine gun to become exhausted and when the silence returned, he grabbed Tony by the arm and pulled him along, running towards a second waterfall, behind them, at the end of the lake.

"Oh come on, are you kidding me-" Tony gave up talking when they were already flying down into the water. 

 

When he opened his eyes, someone was dragging him out of the water and once he was back on the grass, Tony coughed several times before turning and sitting up, staring at Captain America intent on check the little path not far away, his back to him, "Definitely... I should have brought the suit." Tony sighed. They were both soaking wet but he seemed to be the only one to shiver because of the cold.

"We have to move." Steve came back to him and pulled him up unceremoniously, holding him by the collar of his jacket and dragged him along.

"The park is big... Steve, we’ll get lost..." Tony was trying to keep up, but he felt the cold start slowing his legs, "We- we have to go back into town, someone will come to help us out and-ouf!" He gasped when found himself smashed against a rock wall. 

"Now you're in the mood to talk?"

Tony looked back at him and for a moment he began to fear for his life, "You have remembered, I get it. No need to be- "

Steve dropped the shield to the ground and grabbed him by the jacket with both hands, almost lifting him off the ground, "Tell me what happened, Tony, or I swear I'll give you to them myself." He hissed angrily.

"Okay..." Tony felt the rock scratching his back but nodded, "From what I know the SHIELD has been compromised... and of course you where right in the middle of the fight."

"Compromised how?"

"You can't guess? OW- ow, ok, Hydra, it was the Hydra!" Confessed Tony as he felt the grip become even more painful, "I wasn't there during the clash, but I spoke to Natasha and she told me you were following a lead... about a soldier who works for Hydra."

"The Winter Soldier." Steve said more softly, remembering the battle in the Shield headquarters, then stared at him almost as if he didn't want an answer to the next question, "Bucky?" 

Tony shrugged, failing to find a sweet way to respond to that, "You didn't know that he was your friend. No one knew until a few days ago..."

Steve stayed silent, still clutching onto his jacket, staring into his eyes harshly, "That's why you killed him?"

Tony started to reply, but closed his mouth, looking away.

"You were here with me, we fought against Bucky on that damn bridge and you killed him. That's why you didn't want me to remember... that's why you did everything to keep me away from the truth."

"Maybe a bit, but if you could remember what-"

Steve let him go, slamming him against the wall, staring at him with hatred, "In the end the only important thing for the Starks remains exclusively themselves, right? The easiest way is always the best one. Always an excuse, always an easy way out." Steve shook his head and almost laughed, "Isn't the first time I told you that, is it? "

"Steve-"

"You're right about one thing, though: never trust anyone. I should've kept that in mind from the beginning."

"I haven't lied to you for fun."

"Sorry if I find it hard to believe right now." 

Tony sighed, standing against the wall, one hand at his side, "You're remembering only what suits you more, now."

"How can you say such a thing?!"

"Because if you could just-" Tony paused, shaking too much and starting to feel weak, "I haven't lied for my own good."

"Do whatever you want Stark, but keep telling your lies to someone else."

Tony heard the footsteps move away and when he looked up, Steve was no longer there.  
He sighed, sliding down the wall, sitting on the grass and groaned in pain: checking the hand he kept under his jacket, he found it covered in blood. He stared at it for a moment, then sighed, closing his eyes on a world that was falling apart.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've just keep writing with dramatic music in loop from this point... Finally the missing piece of the plot! (kind of) 
> 
> *Slight curses and description of fight/ violence.*
> 
> Thanks for reading!

"So still no news? Yes... yes, I know... no, I doubt you need me to be there for now." Bruce Banner sighed over the phone that he held against his ear, taking off the glasses from his face with his other hand, using it to rub his eyes, "No, I'm fine, only a bit tired." He leaned against the back of the chair looking at the living room that it had been empty for days now, then at the rain that fell on New York outside the big windows. He smiled a bit and nodded, "Yes Clint, the house is too quiet these days..." The smile grew sadder and Bruce looked down at the table, "Try to find them as soon as possible, ok? It's been almost a week already..." he sighed and nodded again, "Alright. Keep me updated. See you soon." He ended the call and stared at the phone for a moment then left it on the table where he was sitting, running both hands from his face to his dark hair. 

“Doctor Banner?” 

“Yes, JARVIS?” 

"Guests are coming from the ground floor."

A frown appeared on Bruce's face, "Who is it?"

"Captain Rogers asked to come in without notifying anyone, but I believe it wise to tell you, Doctor, that the Captain requires medical attention before providing the news to-"

"Wait. JARVIS, don't tell anyone. Not yet."

There was moment of silence, then "May I ask why, Doctor?" 

"Because I believe that the situation is slipping out of control." Bruce stared at the elevator going up until the doors opened and the good doctor felt his heart drop when he saw Captain America coming out of them, but the happiness was short lived: seeing him approaching, Bruce saw a dirty bandage around his head, the brown jacket ruined and a pair of dirty jeans, the beard of a few days on his face. 

Steve dropped a bag on the floor and sighed before looking up at him, staring at him uncertainly for a moment, then smiled softly "Bruce."

"God, Steve..." Bruce was unable to smile completely because of the surprise and the state of his friend, but began to shift from the table, "Where have you been? Everyone were worried about you, you disappeared all of sudden and- and your memory..." 

Steve took a few steps toward him, "You will not believe what happened to me and yes, I have remembered most of the things but..." he stopped when he saw him leaving the table, remaining seated on a wheelchair.

Bruce stared at him uncertainly, then looked down at himself and raised his hand, turning to the other "Steve, don't-"

Steve didn't hear him anymore: other screams invaded his mind and suddenly he went back in time without even moving. 

.-.-.- 

_“Nat…? Nat!”_

_Natasha Romanov slowly opened her eyes and closed them almost immediately to protect them from the dust that was still falling. She coughed a few times before trying to stand up, kneeling among the rubble of the collapsed building while dust fell from her red hair. She looked toward the entrance, or what was left of it, and found Hawkeye who was trying in vain to move a large marble pillar under which she noticed a body. "Oh no..." hissed the spy, rising slowly on her feet and reached them._

_Clint Barton had hair and clothes covered with dust just like her, then turned a moment to the Black Widow, "We need Steve." He said without leaving the pillar._

_Natasha stepped closer and recognized the motionless body of Bruce Banner, "Bruce..."_

_"Nat, call Steve!"_

_She nodded slowly and picked up the phone with a grimace, "Broken." She said throwing it away, bowing down close to the body of the doctor._

_"Why is he still not... green?"_

_"I don't know, I think they have injected something into him." Said Natasha, then look up at him, "Clint, you can't move that thing by yourself."_

_"Then search for the damn Captain." He retorted angrily, "We can’t leave him stuck down here. Where is Tony? Where's everyone?"_

_"Probably still in Washington, it was a mess there..." Natasha stood up and coughed in the clouds of dust around them, "Last time i saw him, Steve was fighting against his friend..."_

_"I don't hear them fighting outside." Hawkeye look at the exit for a moment, “He should be around here.”_

_Natasha started to leave when some kind of explosion shattered a part of the roof that had collapsed not too far from them._

_Steve came out of the crack, coughing and clutching his shield on his arm. He took off his mask, throwing it away, and looked around for a moment before recognizing them, "Are you alright?"_

_"A hand could come in handy." Barked Clint indicating the pillar with his eyes._

_Steve came closer but when he noticed the body of the doctor he ran next to the spy to help him: grabbing under the column with both hands, he pulled upwards, finally managing to raise it._

_"Take him out!" Exclaimed Clint to the red haired spy who was already working to drag Bruce out from under the column and get him nearby, safe, making sure he was alright._

_The other two let the column fall to the ground and Steve looked back at her, "How is he?" He asked, also checking the status of the two spies._

_"Bruce? Bruce can you hear me?" Natasha was asking when the doctor mumbled something._

_"Where's the Winter Soldier?" Clint asked the Captain._

_"We fell together, he shouldn't be too far..." Steve said looking around, then he heard screams and looking outside he saw people running in the small square and the police sirens arriving, "He wants to run away again." He hissed with nerves, "I have to stop him."_

_"Steve, wait." Clint held him by the arm, "We're not gonna make it only by ourselves. Tony and Sam will be here soon to give us support, the agents too-"_

_"I can't risk to losing him again."_

_"I know! But you've seen what he is capable of. Washington drowning into panic, SHIELD's HQ destroyed- damn, the SHIELD itself is probably gone forever!"_

_"You think that I don't know that?" Retorted Steve, freeing from his grip, "I was there when it happened, that's why I have to-"_

_"Boys." Natasha interrupted them and they both turned toward her. She look at them and said with a tense voice "Bruce has to be taken to the hospital immediately."_

_"What's wrong? He's hurt?" Asked Steve._

_Natasha shook her head and lowered her voice, "He says that he can't move his legs."_

_"Shit." Clint came toward her, ducking to control the doctor._

_Steve stared at Bruce's motionless body in silence then, holding the shield with all the strength he had, he ran out of the building, ignoring the other two yelling at him to stop._

_Once outside, Steve raised an arm to cover himself from the explosion of some cars on his right; looking back, he recognized the building where they had fallen as a town hall, then he looked at the people running away from the center of the square where he found the Winter Soldier intent to throw away a grenade launcher now empty. "Buck, that's enough!" He yelled running towards him._

_The Winter Soldier looked at him coldly and raised his metal arm, beginning to shoot._

_Steve stopped the bullets with the shield until he was on him and the other was forced to block him with both hands, "Please- you have to stop." Steve said pushing forward._

_"Whoever you think I’m..." Bucky said, staring at him through the long dark hair falling over his face, "it’s gone long ago." With that he kicked the shield high and punched the Captain in the stomach with a fist, then made him fly back with another kick._

_Steve did a back flip and stood with one knee on the ground, staring at his old childhood friend with anger and sadness, "I don't know what they did to you, but I know that you're not like this. I know you and you've never been like this. You can come out of it, Buck, we can- I can help you."_

_Bucky stood still and silent until he turned to the police cars that were starting to invade the square. "I don't need help." He said then turning to look at him, "Just get out of my way."_

_"Can't do." Steve retorted standing up._

_Bucky managed to distract him with another quick shot, then grabbed something from his black suit and threw it towards a group of people nearby._

_Steve immediately recognized the object and ran to intercept it: the grenade hit the shield flying some meters into the air and exploded a few seconds later in a roar that destroyed the few street lamps that were still standing._

_Steve looked back to make sure the people were safe then he turned towards the square and saw Bucky grab a motorcycle and drive away through the small spot of trees, towards the road leading out of town. "Damn." He hissed running toward a car, started the engine and drove off in pursuit: he would not lose his friend a second time._

_When Clint came out of the town hall, he saw the two speed away and shook his head before turning and going back inside, "Nat, we have to-"_

_"Hey fellas?"_

_Both looked toward the destroyed roof from where Iron Man suddenly arrived._

_"First Washington, now this... you guys just keep having fun without waiting for any of us."_

_"Tony, you have to follow Steve." Clint said, "He's chasing the Winter Soldier, but he can’t deal with him alone. They went north."_

_The armor's bright eyes stared for a moment before nodding, "Okay... Bruce is alright?"_

_"He-"_

_"We'll take care of him." Said Natasha without looking at them, "You go help Steve."_

_Clint looked at her but said nothing._

_If Tony suspected something, was impossible to say looking at the red metal helmet. "Alright. Sam and the others will be here soon." That said, Tony flew out from the entrance and set off towards the north. "JARVIS, send a message to Fury," he said flying higher, watching on the internal screen the data about Bruce conditions, "tell him that Bruce needs to be checked soon as they can."_

_"Already done, Sir." Answered the AI._

_“Now let’s find those granps.” Said Tony, flying faster._

_Steve followed Bucky through streets and forests until he saw him suddenly turn inside a park. He was forced to stop the car when he arrived in front of a group of little pillars blocking the way, staring at the bike that could easily run through them, but he just looked around for a moment before set off to find another way._

_Bucky followed the path until a metal bridge appeared in sight, connecting the two high cliffs over a river. When he reached almost half of the bridge, however, he was forced to stop, leaving a steaming black trail on the ground: some cars were parked horizontally, blocking the road._

_Steve was waiting, staring at his old friend and taking a few steps toward him, "Enough running away."_

_Bucky stared at him with an impassive gaze, leaving the bike, "You can't stop me."_

_"We'll see about that." Steve tightened the grip on the handle of the shield and kept walking forward until the other surprised him running straight at him, punching the shield with his metal arm, rattling all the bridge. They exchanged several punches and kicks that never hit the spots and eventually Steve was forced to look over his shoulder when he found himself on the edge: there was a pretty high waterfall behind him, and the river that ran beneath them. He ducked to avoid another punch but Bucky was faster and kicked him off the bridge._

_Steve flew down for a few seconds before he felt something grab the shield that he was still grabbing, pulling them both back higher._

_"It's raining soldiers... should I say hallelujah?" Asked the slightly metallic voice of Tony Stark, through the Iron Man armor._

_"You took your time." Steve snorted._

_"I met some traffic, you know... someone has crashed those futuristic airplane on the SHIELD headquarters. I wonder who's to blame for that. And for the war zone in the city." Commented Tony, letting him fall back on the bridge._

_Steve landed firmly on his feet and sent the gaze on Bucky while Iron Man came down next to him, "Tony you don't have to stay. This is between me and him."_

_"I know. I'm just here to for moral support. I can sit in a corner and cheer you up if you want-"_

_Steve pushed him away when Bucky fired a few shots at him, "If you want to stay... don't let him cross the bridge." He said to Iron Man, before running back into the fight._

_"Got it: keep the bad guy busy. Not a problem." Tony said, flying toward them._

_Fighting together against the Winter Soldier, they managed to push him back on the cliff but once there the look on Bucky’s face became furious and a little distraction from Tony was enough to turn the tables: Tony fired the rays from the hand and when he looked down for a moment to recharge, Bucky took the opportunity to grab him by the ankle with the metal arm, tightening his grip until it cracked, then dragged him down and used him to hit Steve that, despite the shield, ended a few meters, all the bridge trembling._

_"You like metal too, uh?" Tony snorted trying to kick him off but Bucky dodge a hit and pulled him down again, smashing him to the ground, crushing one of Iron Man's legs with his foot. Tony felt the metal cut his jeans and then flesh, gritting his teeth as alarms sounded inside the armor._

_"Sir, I report damage to the flight system." JARVIS warned._

_"Really? I didn't notice!" Yelled Tony angrily, pushing ahead activating the rockets on the hands but the other moved to avoid him and threw him violently against one of the pillars of the bridge that shuddered. Tony felt other cracks somewhere and other alarms ringing in the ears. He had time only to raise his head before a hand grasped the helmet and smashed him on the metal floor of the bridge, finding the angry face of Bucky in front of his eyes, hearing the metal cracks around his head, making him release a half cry of pain._

_"Buck, leave him alone!" Steve was running toward them, forced to throw the shield to stop him: Bucky turned and jumped back to avoid the blow, taking with him part of the red armor._

_Tony didn't manage to fly very far before the engines at his feet stopped working and he rolled on the ground before he could get up, turning to look at the enemy that he found right in front of himself, now face to face after the Winter Soldier broke off the front plate of the helmet, and a punch sent Tony slamming against the other side of the bridge._

_"Sir, I suggest you to move." JARVIS said, "Sir, you must-"_

_Tony could hear only his ears whistling and his still blurred vision from the blow and the punch, but managed to recognize Bucky grabbing a part of the bridge, like a metal bar, ready to throw it at him. He tried to move but looking down he found his leg stuck between in the already half broken bridge. Tony tried to break free but eventually found himself forced to do what he hoped he would never have to do during a fight._

_Steve pushed Bucky away just a second after he threw the metal bar against Iron Man._

_Tony fell down with a groan, staying on the ground in clothes far too light for the cold air of the park, sure that jeans and t-shirt were FAR too wrong for a fight, and stared in terror at the bar that was stuck in the armor's core and that could've killed him if he had come out from it a second too late. He tried to breathe, leaning a hand to his head that still hurt, feeling the bridge crack beneath him. He saw blood on the jeans, at the ankle Bucky grabbed before._

_Steve continued to fight against the soldier but failed to hit him. When a fist slammed him to the ground, he failed to stand fast as he wanted and a kick sent him back to the edge of the bridge again._

_"I told you," Bucky grabbed his uniform, punching him again, "do not stand on my way." He hit him again and again until he suddenly stop and reached back to grab something that was going to hit him from behind. Bucky slowly turned around._

_Tony left the metal tube in the soldier's hand and took few steps back, "Can we talk like civil people now? Steve certainly wants to. It doesn't seem like such a bad idea, right?" He said, staggering a bit._

_Bucky looked at him with hatred and started to get up but a hand grabbed him by the arm._

_Steve tightened his grip while the blood was slipping from his nose, "Buck... please..."_

_The Winter Soldier stared angrily at him, "I'm not..." he stopped, looked at him carefully, a flicker of uncertainty crossed his face before the fury exploded again and he threw a punch again, not at Captain America this time but to the ground, next to his head, which began to shake and the bridge start to bend dangerously. Then he went back to stare at the captain and turned the tube he stole from Tony in his hand, ready to sink the hit but Tony grabbed his metal arm to stop him._

_"No no no, don't go all vampire slayer on him now-OW!" Tony was pushed away with a kick and again found himself rolling painfully on the cliff’s floor. Looking up, a hand on the stomach, he saw Bucky look at him for a second before returning to Captain America. Tony clenched his fists and noticed something on the ground._

_Steve pushed himself up on one elbow, vision still blurred by fists and blood, feeling the bridge bending more and more under him. He looked up and saw Bucky standing in front of him, the iron pipe still in his hand, "You can really do it?" He said wearily, "You really- you'd be able to kill me? Because I saw... I saw you just now. I saw you, Buck."_

_"HEY YOU LOST THIS!"_

_Bucky sent up his free hand and grabbed something that had been launched against him. He saw Tony not very far, then opened his hand and narrowed his eyes before throwing the grenade away: the shot exploded above their heads, destroying the connections of the bridge that began its slow descent into the river below, bringing with it the cars that were parked over it and for a long moment, the sound of crashing cars covered everything else._

_"-wake up! STEVE WAKE UP!"_

_Steve slowly opened his eyes and found the world upside down: he tilted his head forward and found Tony trying to surpass one of the machines; the bridge was dangerously bent and Steve was lying on one of the beams, one arm hanging into the void._

_"Steve, come on." Tony said, trying to push himself as forward as possible._

_Steve tried to pull himself up and felt him gripping his arm with both hands, trying to pull him above and beyond the hood of the car. He collapsed on the other side with a groan of pain and when he turned and saw Bucky's body lying motionless not too far from them: the iron pipe was stuck in his body._

_Tony stood down beside him, trying to move him but it was like trying to move a mountain. Then he followed his gaze._

_"You killed him...?" Steve said slowly, almost perplexed, "You-" he turned to look at him and it was then that a large part of the bridge bent completely, making him slide down and over the edge: he heard only vaguely Tony's call then everything was invaded by the roar of machines and stones and iron, all smashing in the river, until he found himself face down in the cold water.  
He stood still for a long time before hearing someone running and turned him around, kept talking to him, and opening his eyes, Steve found the dark and worried ones of Tony Stark. _

_"You okay? Can you hear me?" Tony slowly moved him to the shore in order to not let him drown, dragging him with no small effort. He stayed kneeling beside him and nodded to himself, "Stay here, I'll be back. Don't move- like you could, anyway... Alright, hang in there."_

_Steve saw him disappear out of sight, then he turned his head a bit and looked at the destroyed bridge and the cars scattered in the river, with the waterfall behind them. He looked high, toward what was left of the bridge and then he heard footsteps approaching again._

_"Ok... ok, I found-" Tony paused when, looking down at the soldier, he saw a large red stain expanding beneath his head. He knelt down next to him, raising his head a bit to place it on what looked like a sweater. "The others are coming, you'll be fine."_

_"You killed him." Steve's voice was low, an impassive gaze on his face._

_Tony swallowed hard, "I had to. He was going to kill you. He would kill anyone who tried to-"_

_"It wasn't your decision to make."_

_"Maybe you didn't hear the part where I said he was going to kill you-"_

_"He wouldn't." Retorted the soldier, staring at him angrily, "He had stopped... he wouldn't have killed me."_

_"From my point of view, he-"_

_"Your point of view is by one that have never lost anything in his whole life." Said Steve, closing his eyes, wincing in pain as he tried to get up on one elbow._

_Tony stared in disbelief, "Wow. I was just trying to save your life and in doing so I stopped an assassin who destroyed half of Washington and now you tell me that you're convinced he was a good guy?"_

_"He was. He- " Steve felt a flash of pain from his head and his sight became blurred, forcing him to lower it._

_Tony saw the long trail of blood dripping from the head of the soldier, "Just stay down, could you? You need a doctor. Now. Really now." He tried to let him lay back down, but to say that Captain America was stubborn was an understatement, "You have your head almost split in two, you have to- "_

_"He was all that was left to me." Steve said softly, staring at the floor, "All that was left of my past life... what I was looking for when I woke up in this absurd world, Tony... the only friend I had, and you killed him." He looked at him sadly and finally collapsed to the ground, eyes half closed..._

.-.-.-.-.-.-. 

When he woke up, Steve heard his head buzzing so he stayed still for a long moment, until he began to recognize the place where he was: it was the lounge of the Stark Tower... where he had spent days with the other Avengers.

He allowed himself a slight sigh then he heard someone moving and turning the smile disappeared: Bruce Banner was sitting on the table nearby, a water bowl in his lap and his head resting on his bent hand, asleep. Steve stared at him for a moment then slowly sat up, a wet cloth fell from his forehead, and he noticed the wheelchair nearby. He stared sadly at it, not knowing what to do. 

Bruce came to his help when, at the risk of banging his head on the table, he suddenly awoke and looked around with sleepy eyes. He mumbled something, running his hands over his face and when he sent his eyes on Steve, he remained to stare at the captain for a moment before he smiled, relieved, "Steve you're awake! Thank goodness."

"Bruce, I..."

Bruce looked at him uncertainly and then looked down at his legs and winced, "No no, it's just-"

"I had no idea that- oh God, Bruce I'm so sorry..." 

Bruce held the bowl in his hands and stood up, "I can still walk." He saw him stare in silence, almost motionless, and added "I've been stuck for a while, but the wound wasn't serious. I use the wheelchair just because..." he sighed, shaking his head, "because I'm a stupid doctor... Look, I'm sorry, it's becoming just a lazy habit. I had no idea that you were coming back here." He said placing the bowl on the low table nearby, then he sat in a chair next to the couch where the other was lying and put a hand on the soldier's forehead, "Or that you were reduced to this terrible state. The fever has dropped, at least… and the wound to the head seems fine. You scared me to death, you know?" 

"You can walk?" Steve asked softly, staring still worried.

Bruce smiled a bit and nodded, "Let's say we scared each other pretty well."

Steve allowed himself a sigh of relief and put a hand on his shoulder, holding it tight, bowing his head as he tried to push away the fear.

"Steve what happened? We've been looking for you for days... well, the others had, and they're still looking."

"You have talked to them?"

"Not yet."

Steve nodded, "Thanks."

"Why you didn't call us? We knew that you were hurt, that you hadn't got back your memory yet..."

"I remember everything now. Almost everything." Steve explained, "The battle of New York, the SHIELD, Bucky... I remembered everything on my way back here. I remembered that I lived here."

"And seeing me made you remember the incident of few days ago, right?" 

Steve nodded, "It was the piece still missing." When he looked up, saw him staring sadly, "You know what happened? The others know?"

Bruce sighed, "The others know that the Winter Soldier is dead. I know that Tony had to- to kill him."

"He didn't tell the others?"

"No, not yet. He didn't focus on the details with anyone but me, but-"

Steve shook his head, smiling bitterly, "He made fun of everyone: me, the others... he has been lying to everyone."

"He hasn't lied to the others, and I'm sure that wasn’t his intention to tease you." 

"He tried in every way to make sure I didn't remember what had happened, Bruce." The soldier retorted angrily, "He just wanted it so that I didn't know what he had done, he just wanted to play with my memories. With my life." He ran both hands on his face, then rested the elbows on his knees.

"I don't think Tony would be able to come to something like that." Bruce said after a moment, catching Steve's attention, "He… he would never do such a thing to you, or to one of us. Not just for fun." 

"Are you sure about that?" 

"I am." 

Steve stared at him then asked, "So why keep me in the dark?"

"Maybe he just didn't want you to hate him."

"Then he wouldn't have killed Bucky." Steve noticed the sad look on Bruce's face and sighed, "And I understand that for you all he was a threat, I know what he could have done to you and the others... but I needed to talk to him, Bruce. I needed to understand how Bucky was still alive and why he was turned into an assassin."

Bruce stared at him a moment in silence, looked down and took off his glasses before speaking, "After your accident... I was transferred to the nearest hospital. Natasha and Clint were with me, they left when they saw that the situation was under control and I told them to go after you. That same night, Tony came to me and said that there was a plane ready to take me back here, in New York, where a team was ready to assist me. When I saw him, he was…"

Steve stared at him, waiting. Noting but sadness in Bruce's eyes when he looked up at him.

"Tony was stained with blood... he was in shock, pale as a ghost and I knew something had happened, something serious, and..." he smiled slightly, "I was going to turn in- well, into _the other guy_ , because I thought that something had happened to you as well. That’s the only reason because Tony spoke to me: he said he had killed Bucky, that you were hurt and that he took you somewhere safe, that you were alright, there was nothing to worry about, but he didn't want to say it to the others. And he didn’t say about his plan to let you forget everything either to me."

"Why?" Asked Steve, unable to stop himself. 

Bruce shook his head, "I don't know. He only said that he had everything under control and that you weren't in danger, then he left and I haven't seen him since that night." He sighed and looked at him sadly, "I know that maybe he was wrong, what he was trying to do was wrong in too many levels, but if I know something, is that Tony never hurt anyone without a reason... and most of the times that reason is to keep safe the people he loves."

Steve was silent, slowly lowering his gaze.

"You said you remembered... you didn't remember what happened before Tony killed Bucky?" 

"No. I- I blacked out for a moment. Tony said he'd done it to save me, but how can I believe him now? What can I believe?" Steve looked at him, consumed by frustration, "He knew what Bucky was for me. He knew that I could never kill him..." he shook his head, leaving the sentence unfinished.

"Are you angry with him because he had the courage to do something you couldn't?" Bruce said slowly.

Steve stared at him angrily for a moment but Bruce, him, the Hulk, among all of them, seemed to be able to calm down the anger of everyone and push them to think twice. "Maybe, but killing him like that..." he shook his head slowly, "It wasn't too late... and there were still so many things to be understood about this story." He sighed, looking down. 

Bruce's phone began to vibrate on the table. He took it and sighed, "It's Clint. I told him to update me on the situation. It seems that they haven't found you yet." He laughed a little, placing the phone down. Looking at the soldier, sad as ever. "Steve, I'm sorry for what happened. And I am sure that not even Tony is happy with how the things went."

Steve shook his head slowly, then asked, "Have you talked to him recently?"

"No. No one have heard from Tony in a few days. Apparently disappearing is the new fashion among the Avengers." Bruce sighed, running a hand over his eyes, "But JARVIS would have alerted us if something had happened to him, I guess."

"Affirmative, Doctor." Said the AI itself.

"You still can't find him?"

"No, Doctor, I'm sorry."

Bruce nodded and looked back at Steve, who held a serious look fixed on the couch. Suddenly he raised his eyebrows, "Maybe there's a way to know what happened between Tony and Bucky."

Steve looked back at him, "How?"

"With the help of JARVIS." Smiled the doctor, standing up and heading towards the laptop in the kitchen.

Steve took a deep breath and got up to join him: If there was someone who wanted only the truth right now, that was certainly him.

Note:  
More Tony's thoughts in the next chapter.  
Because hes not gone completely crazy... yet.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tony really just need a hug...

.-.-.- 

_"Tony? You there?"_

_Tony blinked and dropped the cup of coffee that shattered on the ground, sending the dark liquid everywhere, "Damn it." He murmured, leaning down to pick up the pieces._

_Steve appeared in the laboratory, "Hey, you okay?"_

_"Everything was ok ten seconds ago, before you came here screaming."_

_"I called you quite a few times but you didn’t answer."_

_Tony muttered something then saw him kneel next to him to help: he noticed the uniform of Captain America and looked at his face for a moment, “Ready to go?”_

_"In half an hour." Nodded Steve picking up the last pieces and getting up to look for an old cloth that he grabbed from the table, using it to dry the coffee from the floor, "Natasha said that the shield was ready…?”_

_"It is." Tony pointed to the side with his head, standing up to throw the ceramic pieces in the trash can._

_Steve turned and smiled a bit, picking up the shield from the ground, turning it in his hands, then turned to the inventor, "Can I ask what you've done to it?"_

_"Just a check." Tony straightened his work goggles through his hair and headed for a large cylinder of metal at least two meters high, much like a large telephone booth. He noticed the other's gaze and reassured him saying, "Don't worry, it will not explode in your hands while you throw it." He said climbing the short, narrow staircase to sit on top of the cylinder, staring and studying the internal structure, checking something on the tablet he had in his hand, "But know that you're paying for that cup. And for the coffee."_

_Steve chuckled, "Okay." He said and moved closer, peering into the cylinder, "What is this?"_

_"Fury asked for a safe place to keep Loki's scepter."_

_"I thought he already had one?"_

_"Yes, but better having a plan B, right?" He saw him stare with raised eyebrows and snorted, nodding, "Okay, I wanted to play a bit. Let me have some fun." And he bent inside the cylinder, pressing a few buttons._

_Steve studied it a moment, "You're sure you don't need a hand?"_

_Tony got up to look at him, "A hand? From you? For this stuff?" He asked and enjoying the other's resigned sigh, "I have to create, not destroy things with a shield, so no thanks. I appreciate the offer, though."_

_"I meant that I can ask Bruce and Pepper to come down to help." Commented Steve with a tired voice, then looking kind of worried at the cylinder, "I would probably just risk to break something..."_

_"Yes, I remember very well what happened to the laptop and three mobiles I gave you months ago. May they rest in peace." Nodded Tony, putting a hand dramatically on his heart._

_"Okay, then... Got to go. See you later, and thanks for checking the shield." Said Steve heading towards the exit, putting the shield on his back._

_"Bring me back a souvenir." Said Tony, ducking back inside the cylinder again to control the panels and trying to press one of the buttons at the bottom he overbalance: he tried to cling to the edges but the tablet didn't help, falling with him inside, breaking under his head when he slammed over it, finding himself upside down inside the cylinder, feeling the buttons scratching him everywhere, face and arms; when he tilted his head to look up, was just in time to see the glass panel closing._

_"Damn it." Tony tried to grab what he could in the narrow space able to contain him just enough; he tried to kick the glass but couldn't manage to push on anything. He snorted and tried to move, feeling one of the small levers cut him above an eye, "J... JARVIS! Little help here?"_

_"I'm looking for the codes of access of the coffin, sir." Came the AI's voice from outside._

_"Do you really have to call it coffin?"_

_"This is the name you has chosen for the project. I suggested other possible names, but..."_

_Tony sighed, breathing hard, feeling the tablet crack under his head. He tried to move, to do something but it was useless and the semi-darkness in which he was, suddenly in seemed to grow darker, quieter. "JARVIS?" He called again but couldn't hear the answer, "J... call Bruce. C-call someone..." he managed to say before he began to feel his heart start to pound in my chest way too fast: Tony closed his eyes and suddenly found himself looking at the space, the dark and infinite space he had seen over New York. The darkness that was there, always ready to destroy them, waiting..._

_Suddenly the light returned and Tony found himself falling for a second and when he come back hard on something again, he clung on it with all the strength he had, his eyes open, but without really seeing anything._

_"-ony? Tony you ok?"_

_"Captain, I would recommend to call doctor Banner."_

_"Yeah... but don't scare him. Just tell him to come in the lab." A sigh then "Tony, it's all right now."_

_Tony felt a hand on his shoulder and slowly returned to focus on the present, finding himself staring at the ceiling of his lab. The still fast breathing, heart pounding loud in his ears._

_"Tony?"_

_He blinked and turned his head a bit: he was lying with his back on Steve legs while the Captain was holding him by the shoulder with one hand and by the arm with the other. He stared at him in silence for a moment before recognizing pure concern in those blue eyes, "-fine." He managed to say._

_"You're shaking."_

_Tony shook his head slowly and looked at the other side: the cylinder was on the ground, open, or rather split in two parts, some of the internal cables still sparking._

_"I'm sorry." Steve said blushing a bit, "I - I didn't know how to open it..."_

_Tony stared at the coffin and smiled a tense smile, "It's okay." He looked back at the ceiling and took some deep breaths, trying to calm his heartbeat. And he realized that he was still clawing the legs of the soldier. Slowly he let go but didn't get up: he was sure collapsing in front of Captain America wasn't something he wanted to add to the list of embarrassing things that happened in his presence in the last few minutes._

_Steve, on his part, stayed where he was uncomplaining, sat on the floor, staring still worried at the other, "What happened? I tried to call you in there but you didn't answer me."_

_"Just... just went into panic a bit."_

_"A bit? Tony you were not able to breathe. You were repeating only -help- and -let me out- ."_

_"Well, thanks for letting me know that." Tony slowly tried to sit up, thinking that something would be added to that list, after all._

_"I didn't mean- you know what I meant." Snorted Steve letting him go, but remaining where he was, sitting close to him, "It was a panic attack? Do you suffer from panic attacks?"_

_"Sometimes."_

_"Since when?" Asked the other, sincerely puzzled._

_"Since my journey to infinity and beyond... ouch." He touched above his eye and regretted it immediately, finding blood on his fingers._

_"Can you stand?" Steve went back on his feet and slowly helped him to do the same, making him sit on one of the chairs. "You have a first aid kit around here?"_

_"Second shelf to his right, Captain." Said JARVIS, "And Dr. Banner is coming."_

_"Thanks JARVIS." Steve took the box and went back: Tony was pale and his breath a little too fast but Steve focuses on the wound that he saw over his left eye. Once covered with a patch, he also saw some signs on his black shirt but no traces of blood, "Tony..._

_"I'm fine." He answered, still marveling at how Captain America could push you to speak only calling you by name, "It's nothing serious." He ran a hand over his head and groaned again._

_"Let me see."_

_"I said I'm fine-"_

_"And I said let me see." Repeated Steve with a serious look on his face._

_Tony didn't look up but lowered his hand, staying still, feeling Steve's hands moving slowly through his hair. He found himself freeing a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment, feeling oddly reassured by the soldier's presence._

_"It's just a bump." Steve said after a bit._

_"Tablets can save lives." Tony muttered, already missing the touch._

_"You mean this?"_

_Tony opened his eyes and found Steve handing him the device now turned off and with a large crack on the screen. He took it, finding it almost bent. "Yes, this." He nodded with a shade of sadness._

_"Tony, you could get really hurt in there."_

_"I know."_

_Steve sighed, "Pepper knows about these panic attacks?"_

_"There is something you can keep hidden from her?" Tony saw him staring uncertain, so he shook his head, "Sorry, I asked the wrong person. Of course she knows."_

_"You said they started after your trip in space... You mean during the battle against Loki?"_

_"Well, I don't think I was in the space recently."_

_Steve blinked his eyes several times and after a moment said, "After you sent the missile into the portal?"_

_"After I sent myself along with a bomb in an alien dimension, yeah." He explained, still looking down on the tablet while his mind went back to the darkness he had seen, in which he found himself feeling completely lost and alone... and useless._

_A hand grabbed his wrist and he almost jumped, looking up._

_"You spaced out again." Steve looked at him in concern, "Bruce is coming. Try to breathe, ok?"_

_Tony noticed only then that it wasn't quite easy to do: his breath was stuck in his throat at least twice before going out._

_"What scared you so much that day?" Asked Steve, voice calm and slow._

_"Psychological moment with Captain America... sorry, I think I'll pass." Snorted Tony trying to get up, but Steve's grip on his wrist didn't loosened even a little._

_"Tony-"_

_"Steve, really, forget it."_

_"Tell me." Steve looked into his eyes firmly, sitting on a chair in front of him, "I saved your life. The least you can do is explain what has put you in danger in the first place."_

_Tony opened his mouth to reply but he could only look at him in awe: it wasn't easy to get used to sincerity when it's slammed in your face like that, without second thoughts. He breathed deeply, leaning back against the chair, giving up on running away, "I'm not sure myself." He said, "Maybe it was seeing with my own eyes what was ready to come here that day, perhaps the fact that I almost had to die there- or to understand that-" he stopped, looking down._

_"Understand what?" Steve ventured._

_Tony straightened up his back a bit, tired, "You know what? You were right. Of course you were right. You can't fool everyone every time. It's the difference between us mere mortals and you superheroes, right?" He saw him staring blankly and shook his head, "Beyond the armor, what difference could I do against what I saw in that portal? Without Captain America or the Hulk- or Thor, what we normal humans could do to win the war? An atomic bomb was the only possibility and maybe it wouldn't even have been enough." When he heard no answer, he looked back at him and almost jumped back: Steve kept his lips shut in a not so heroic attempt to not laugh, "Wow. Really. REALLY?"_

_"Sorry, I'm sorry..." Tried to say Steve._

_"I'm here talking about the end of the world that sends me into panic and Captain America laughs at my face. Fantastic. Really, it's- it's amazing." Tony almost yelled, trying to get up again._

_"No, no, come on, Tony, hang on." Steve said, still with a slight smile, holding him again by arm, "I'm not laughing about your problem, really, no. I would never do that... but what caused it."_

_"You mean the almost imminent end of the world?"_

_"I mean the fact that you think that you can't make a difference." He explained, now more seriously, "Maybe you don't have super powers and the armor is the only thing that can help you fight, but you've created it, no one gave it to you: it's your creation, you- you created all this..." he said pointing around them with the other hand, "and it is something that Thor nor Bruce could do."_

_Tony stared at him still wary, "Bruce could."_

_"Well, I sure can't."_

_"As a man of the past, you can consider yourself out of the statistics."_

_Steve sighed, "I've never been able to create such things like you do, or how your father did. And I wasn't a hero either at the beginning... and I certainly didn't become one just because of my patriotic spirit."_

_Tony raised his eyebrows and then chuckled, "Not that perfect, uh." He then looked at him curious, "You weren't scared when they used you like a lab rat?_ "

 _"Of course I was. But I wasn't alone and… well, I knew the risks." Steve stared at him intently, "You would have accepted if you had been in my place?"_

_Tony opened his mouth to reply, but then closed it again, remaining silent and saw him smile a little._

_"I like to think that everyone has a role in this world, but aren't superpowers or- or magic to make the difference, it's what you have inside. It's the heart that makes you a hero."_

_Tony laughed, "Wow, now also the well-known quotes?"_

_"I'm serious." Steve tightened a little the grip on the other's arm, "You're able to create that armor, and thanks to that you have sent the missile in that portal, but it wouldn't do it just by itself, right?"_

_Tony stared at him for a moment then shrugged, "I could send it into auto-pilot." And he laughed when he saw him lower his head with resignation, "Don't worry, Cap, I know what you mean." He said, patting him on the shoulder._

_"Really?"_

_"Yes, the heroes have a heart of gold, etc... or was it a lion instead of a heart?”_

_Steve looked at him shaking his head, thinking about his own past, to the young and skinny Steven Rogers and said, "The decision to make the difference is ours alone, Tony." He saw him look at him and smiled a bit, letting go of his arm, "To decide who we want to be."_

.-.-.- 

"Sir, five minutes at arrival."

Tony opened his eyes, abandoning the dream he was in... or was a memory?

"There have been several calls from Mr. Barton. Wants to call him back?"

"No, let him wait." Tony sighed running a hands over his sleepy eyes. He looked out the window and recognized New York below him: the small helicopter that was bringing him home had left the heavy rains of the mountains for a slight drizzle that made the city shine in the late afternoon.

Once landed on top of the Avengers Tower, he got out of the vehicle and held back a groan, putting a hand to his side. He took a deep breath and walked into the living room, finding it empty and silent. "Anyone at home?" He called without too much effort.

"Dotter Banner's upstairs, Sir. Need me to call for him?"

"No... I'll go to him later." Tony replied walking slowly up the stairs to the lab, "Wake up everyone. Holidays over." He said passing through the glass doors and the lights start to work, illuminating the tables, tools, armors and other unfinished works. 

Tony took off his jacket, remaining only in his white shirt, heading toward the table where he placed a package from which he took out a small stuffed owl with wide eyes and a straw hat on its head. Tony put it on the table and stared at it mockingly, "Clint will love it." He said moving to one of the cupboards as he loosens the tie and letting it fall to the ground, followed by the shirt. He searched for a while before finding an old black T-shirt.

"Welcome back."

Tony jolted and the shirt fell to the ground. Turning around, he found Steve Rogers standing a few feet from him. "When... what the hell are you doing here?" He asked, staring at him from head to toe: last time he saw him, the Captain wasn’t in a very good state, but now he seems fine, shaved, in a short sleeve shirt and black sweatpants. 

"I live here." Steve replied, "Or so I remember."

"JARVIS would have warned me if you-"

"Bruce asked him not to tell anyone."

Tony stared in disbelief, "How the hell did he convinced him?"

Steve shrugged, "Asking kindly."

Tony muttered something and grabbed the shirt from the floor, "Okay... I guess the memory problem is just a distant memory, then. Excuse the lame joke." He went back to look at him and saw him staring at the bandage around his torso, "But the creepy stare is still there." He commented putting the t-shirt on, "I hope throwing people around while asking questions is gone, at least."

"I don’t need to do that. I know what happened this time." Said Steve.

Tony closed the locker and turned to look at him carefully.

Steve took a deep breath, "You think I didn't notice that they had shot you in the river, that day?"

"You left."

"You were unconscious." 

"And you didn't come back, so what-"

"I did." Steve retorted tiredly, "You truly believed that I would be able to leave you there, bleeding to death?"

"At that moment it didn't seem so impossible."

"Check, then." Said Steve, sitting down on a nearby chair, "I know you can. Check the hospital's tapes." 

Tony tapped his fingers on his leg before taking one of the tablets and getting to work... but then he stopped and looked at the soldier: Steve didn't have time to hide a sad and disappointed look, before lowering his eyes to the ground. Tony took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment, leaving the device on the table, "Of course you'd come back... despite everything." He murmured, running a hand over his eyes then turned to look at him when he heard him laugh softly. 

"Ironic that you can't believe that I saved your life. You know, after I trusted you despite not even knowing who you were or what had happened."

Tony felt a stab to his heart and looked down.

"And I don't want your apology: I want an explanation. And after that the apology, maybe."

"Would it help?"

"You tell me."

"Look, I was wrong, okay? I misjudged the situation, I could manage it better. I'm sorry."

Saying that Steve was incredulous wasn't enough, "Are you serious?"

"You wanted an explanation. That’s it." 

Steve just stared at him for a long moment, unsure whether to hit him with something or really start to question his mental state. "Let me get this straight: you played with my memory, my life, only for- what, for curiosity? To see what would happen?"

"Too simple to be true?"

"Do you realize how crazy it sounds?"

"Do you realize you're saying it to a Stark?" Said Tony and then, saw him get up and coming towards him with an impassive gaze, he make a step back, sure that he wanted to hit him.

Steve grabbed him by the shoulders and forced him to sit on one of the chairs and then, arms crossed, he stared straight at him, staying in front of the chair, blocking the way, "I can wait all day, _Stark_."

"Wait for what?" Tony kept a hand on the arm of the chair and the other on the wound, staring perplexed.

"For your explanation. A real explanation." Said the soldier, "You will not move from here until you begin to talk." 

"You want to hold me like a hostage? You know that JARVIS is always watching, right?"

"Jarvis knows I'm not a threat to you. Right JARIVS?"

"Captain Rogers had warned me of his desire to talk to you, Sir." Agreed the voice of JARVIS from the speakers, "And we both know how much difficult that can be."

"Wow... What's next, a deal to destroy the world?"

"Tony." Again the tone of Captain America at the lead.

He snorted and started to get up but Steve pushed him back down. He stared at him nervously but stayed silent.

"You think I'm happy to force you to explain why you acted that way? When I needed you and the others the most?" Steve said, "I understand that maybe calling ourselves friends is an overstatement, but getting to the point of wanting me to forget about everything..."

"Wasn't that crazy to me."

Steve tried hard to not show the feeling of betrayal that came after those words, "So you really want me out of the Avengers?" He saw him stare down and that was enough of an answer. His voice became almost cruel, "Ok. And are you such a coward that you can't even tell me why?" 

"It was what you wanted, too." Retorted Tony staring at him and the confused look that he saw in the soldier's face just made it even worse, "And don't tell me that is not true. Don't you dare."

"When- why I should want to leave the group?" Asked Steve.

"You didn't want to get into it from the beginning. You knew that Fury was playing with things bigger than him, you knew it wouldn't end well and yet you took the job."

"It was a pretty good reason for-"

"And it was what you wanted?" Interrupted Tony, "Return on the field with people you couldn't trust, people who have studied you for months before your awake, including myself. It really was what to you wanted?"

Steve had lowered his arms to his sides, more and more confused, "It was my duty, I have never failed to do what was right to-"

"But right for who?" Tony insisted, almost frustrated.

"You know that Hydra is still a personal matter to me, how could I refuse to help them to-"

"Yes, but you knew that something was wrong in the SHIELD, you've always suspected it, and guess what? You were right: Hydra has controlled the SHIELD for centuries. And they tried to capture you, kill you, get you killed by your old friend on which, surprise surprise, they have made experiments and transformed him into a half terminator."

Steve stared at him more serious when he mentioned Bucky, "No one knew about him..."

"Are you sure? Because I have some doubts."

"Tony, I don't know what all this has to do with wanting me out of the group, but if you-"

"It has to do with it because it's you that-" Tony tightened his grip on the wound he felt hurting. When he looked up again, Steve was down on one knee beside him, still confused but also worried. Tony sighed tiredly, "You asked me for all this, Steve."

.-.-. 

_"He was all that was left to me." Steve said softly, staring at the floor, "All that was left of my past life... what I was looking for when I woke up in this absurd world, Tony... the only friend I had, and you killed him." He looked at him sadly and finally collapsed to the ground, eyes half closed._

_Tony tightened his grip on him and said, trying not to shake too much, "You can hate me when we'll be in the hospital. Come on..." he tried to push him up but only managed to let him fall almost completely on himself, "Dammit Steve..." he tried to shake him, "I don't know how many creepy dudes know that we are here... you're out and I don't have my armor and- ok, you were right, without that maybe I'm not that much of a hero, so you have to help me out this time." He still tugged his arm,"Only this time... come on, Captain Sparkle, stay with me."_

_"Why?" Steve kept his eyes on the river and slowly asked, "Do you think it was worth it to...to wake up? For this?"_

_Tony paused, looking down on him, "What?"_

_"I wondered if- if it would have been better not wake up at all. Not remembering anything about what I've lost... start all over again without being... me."_

_Tony looked sadly at him, feeling the captain's blood sliding down on his hands. He took a deep breath and said, "Then do it: forget. I'll think about the rest." He swallowed, tightening his grip on the soldier, "If that's what you want, forget everything and start over, without any of us. I'm not gonna judge."_ _Steve sighed and slowly closed his eyes, fainting._

.-.-.-

Steve blinked his eyes as the last piece of the puzzle fell into place. He looked at the other, still sitting with his eyes down, "Was for what I told you in the river?" He asked in surprise, finally realizing what could be the truth, "Before I lost consciousness... I said those things..." 

"It wasn't entirely a surprise." Commented Tony without looking at him, "Even if I didn't expect that to actually work. The blow to the head had done its part, I guess. " 

"Tony-" 

"No, enough with this _TONY_." He interrupted, staring at him nervously, "Did you really think that awakening from a ice cube it’s a so normal things in the future? Do you really think that any of us saw how you have been after New York? After the SHIELD turned against you or after- after Bucky? Because I was there most of the time. And Natasha as well... and there are a very few things that she can't notice and you're a perfect soldier but I guess it’s not enough to fool her." 

Steve stood there, speechless, mouth open that he managed to close at some point, unable to say anything. 

"Yeah, there are many people keeping an eye on you," Tony nodded "but we are part of them as well." 

The moment of silence was interrupted by the voice of JARVIS, "Sir, Mr. Barton in call. I suggest you to answer, this time." 

Tony muttered a frustrated lament and reached out to press a switch on one of the computers on the table beside him and yelled "Clint, I'm at the Avenger Tower. Stop calling." 

"OK, now tell me when and how the hell you came back there?!" Came the angry voice of the archer, "We're still here searching for Steve and you-" 

"Steve's here too." 

There were precisely two seconds before a furious "Oh for fuck sake! Are you two kidding me right now??" 

"Laters." Tony closed the call and sighed, then looked at Steve that was still staring at the computer and nodded, "Like I was saying." He commented by pointing at it. 

"I- Tony you... all of you don't-" Steve looked at him then muttered something like an incomprehensible moan and grabbed a chair to sit in front of him, dropping his face in his hands, his elbows resting on his legs. When he lowered his hands, after a long, long moment of silence, he stared at the ground, still thinking, then he looked up at the other and asked, "Are you telling me you did all this for me? To allow me to leave the SHIELD and... what, start a new life somewhere?" 

"If you put it that way, it sounds kind of crazy." 

"Maybe because it is." 

Tony tried to argue but eventually looked away, "Maybe a little." 

"And maybe because we both know that it could never happen." 

"Hey, I'm not the one who started talking about leaving everything behind..." 

"Tony, Bucky was dead." Interrupted Steve calmly, "He was dead, the Hydra had destroyed again most of the life I was trying to build for me a second time..." he sighed, "I was hurt and you, you of all people, had killed my best friend. Do you think that it was the best moment to talk about what I wanted?" 

"It’s in those moments that you usually tell the truth more easily. Your thoughts sounded pretty convincing." 

"It was not the right time to be honest with you, or with anybody…" Sighed the soldier. 

"So you were." 

"Tony..." 

" _Steve._ " 

They stared into each other eyes for a moment, to see who would give up first, and in the end was Steve the one to take a deep breath, "It's true, it wasn’t easy to get used to this future and it's true that what happened later didn't gave me many alternatives, but the same story applies to the others: we all found ourselves in the war, like it or not. You were the first not wanting to be part of all of this, but you're still here." 

"Do you think that if I could pack up and leave I wouldn't do it?" 

Steve smiled, shaking his head, "No, I don't. And the same goes for me." He sighed, running a hand through his short blond hair, "It would be too easy... and running away is rarely the answer to the problem." 

"There were more pros than cons, you have to admit it." 

"The pros were having a life alone, in peace. The cons were to forget what I have managed to do despite feeling out of this world; forget the battle of New York and the Avengers... it would be quite selfish of me." He looked at him unsure, "You really wanted me to forget about all of you?" 

Tony sat better, without looking at him, "Let's say that if the doctor hadn't come in your room that day, telling you who I was, I would have left and never come back. It was a mistake on my part, I shouldn't have passed by that day... and I ruined everything." 

"I would have remembered anyway, sooner or later." 

"Yes, but maybe you would have had more time to consider the idea of being someone else. Have the opportunity to decide what to do and... decide who you wanted to be. I thought it was important for you." 

Steve looked up in surprise, "I remember when I talked to you about it... was before that fake terrorist attacked you... the Mandarin?" 

"Okay, I fucked up, I'll find a way to fix it. Can we leave it and forget for now?" 

"Absolutely not. I'm finally managing to make you talk." Said Steve keeping a hand on his shoulder to make him sit down again, "I didn't think you still remembered that speech... I honestly dind't even believe that you were listening to me." 

"Well, guess what, sometimes I can do that." Snorted the other. When he felt the hand let go of his shoulder, he dared to look up and found him with a slight smile on his face. Slight, but sincere. Tony cleared his throat and looked away, "I owe you one, I thought giving you the freedom to choose was the least I could do... even more after what had happened with Bucky." 

"I know you had to do it." Steve said softly, "Bruce has found the recordings from your suit. It was still running when you two fought... Bucky was going to kill you." 

"Ok, aside from the fact of having to do more than one chat with JARVIS and Bruce... Steve, I swear, I didn't want to kill him." 

"I know." 

Tony nodded slowly, then asked, "Do you really believe that he was coming back to himself?" 

"I know that he could have kill me but he didn't." Steve replied, "I know he was going to recognize me... or maybe I just like to think that way." Steve looked back at him with a little smile and said, "I know you have acted with good intentions, I know now, but you need to understand that if I'm still here, in this war, it's because I have chosen to stay. I was not forced to. If I wanted to disappear, you think I couldn't do it?" 

"Well, given your level of knowledge of the current world... maybe you had a 30% chance." 

"Really?" Snorted the soldier. 

"Let's say 40%." 

Steve shook his head, then said, "I decided what to do and who to be, Tony. It's what matters most to me, that's true and no one can make me go against what I am, no amnesia nor Anthony Stark himself." He saw him nod with a grin and added, "But I appreciate the fact that I can count on your help if I'll change my mind.” 

Tony nodded again, hiding the slight blush on his face, then he thought for a moment and said, "Can you imagine if Fury knew what I was going to do..." and both resist few seconds before bursting into laughter. 

"Guys..." Bruce looked out from the entrance adjusting the glasses on his nose, "Tony, welcome back. Um... can you explain to me why Natasha has sent a message saying that she will kill you as soon as they get back home?" 

"I think we have to worry more about her than Fury." Commented Steve. 

"Maybe letting them keep searching the area for days wasn't one of my best ideas." Said Tony, suddenly white as a ghost. 

.  
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Note:  
Watch out for the epilogue :)


	7. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is the end. For real now. *tears* Coming up sooner because it's a good night...  
> Thanks to who have followed the story so far and leave kudos. Hugs to you! 
> 
> Hope you will enjoy the ending!

"Yes, yes I know, I'm going to him right now..." Bruce sighed, "I'm sure he's still alive, Natasha didn't want him dead yet, so focus on your mission Hawkeye. See you later." Close the call, the doctor knocked on the glass that separated him from the lab: he saw Tony, half lying on the chair, feet on the desk in front of him, turning a bit and watched him for a moment before Bruce could pass through the glass doors that silently slide open in front of him.

Bruce reached him and held back a smile at the sight of the plasters he had on his forehead and cheek, "I wish I could say I'm sorry, but this time you really called it on yourself." He commented, handing him a little bag of ice.

"Then spare me. Unless you're not here to add more bruises on my face?" Said Tony accepting the bag, resting it on his shoulder.

"No, I think Natasha did enough yesterday."

Tony turned back the chair to his desk. He looked at him sideways before asking "So Fury knows?" 

"I don't think so." Bruce shrugged, "He didn't come here lately and if Steve told him something, I imagine he will also say not to bother questioning it anymore, because now everything is solved... It is, right?"

Tony sighed tiredly, "Did I look like I’m planning to change the brain of someone right now?"

"Hard to be sure."

Tony turned to look at him but gave up to the joke when he saw him staring at him with... it wasn't sadness, not even anger, but something painfully similar to disappointment. Something that, anyway, forced him to look down.

Bruce sighed, sitting down on a chair next to him, "Listen, we know why you did it; you have explained it, Steve has explained it... maybe it's not easy for everyone to understand what made you act that way, but I am not among them. I know that you did it to help him. It had been his request after all."

"But?" 

Bruce took off the glasses from his face, "But I wish I could speak with you about it, maybe together we could've found a solution less- less complicated, and no, no, please don't start with your _lonely martyr_ crap." He stopped him before he could say anything, and Tony's mouth was half open, ready to reply, "The situation was serious, the consequences could have been- not so easy to handle, Tony." Bruce looked at him seriously, "We all were worried about Steve, we still are, we know that behind his _I'm fine, don't worry_ there’s much more that he doesn't want to talk about to anyone..."

"And you think that if it wasn't for me, now we would all sit in a circle to listen his confessions?" 

Bruce shrugged, leaning back, "I'm not saying that your idea was completely wrong, I'm saying that you were wrong doing it in your chaotic way and trying to deal with everything alone... as usual."

"And play with the life of our beloved leader as if he were one of my stupid laboratory test?" Tony completed and Bruce stared at him hesitant, "That's what Natasha said yesterday. After she punched me. Twice." He explained with a shrug.

"I know that it's not like that. And she knows it as well."

Tony looked at him inquiring, "So the wise Bruce would allow Captain America to forget everything? Including us?"

The doctor stared at the glasses he was swinging on the desk; after a moment of silence he shook his head slowly, "Maybe not. Or maybe I would try to figure out if Steve would have really wanted that to happen. We know it wasn't easy for him even before the attack at the SHIED HQ and- and before Bucky."

"You think he would have agreed to forget?" 

Bruce thought for a moment then chuckled, "Absolutely not."

"There was no hope, huh?"

"Your plan was destined to fail, no doubt." Bruce laughed again and the other smiled a bit as well. "And I think that Steve knows it now, or he has always known, that he couldn't run away from his life, from what his life is. From who he is. "

Tony tightened the grip on the chair arms but said nothing. When he felt a hand on his arm, he looked up so quickly that his neck almost hurt.

"But it's something that he accepted when he became Captain America." Bruce added, leaning a bit forward, "It was his decision. You understand that?" And saw him nod, only once. He took a deep breath, "At least apologize to him when he gets home, okay?" he said. 

"I already did." Said Tony and saw him stare at him with a blank face, "Come on, you saw us talking the same day that I came back."

"And you’re sure that you apologized to him?"

Tony opened his mouth, closed it, then muttered, "Sure... ish"

Bruce crossed his arms and said "Your brilliant plan has forced him to make thousands of checkups and be alone in a hospital room in these days..."

Tony breathed slowly, "Again."

" _Again_." Confirmed Bruce, "I don't know what could be worse between SHIELD's fall, Hydra's return, your crazy plan or the death of Bucky, but you know Steve..."

"He will have been brooding over everything all the time." Tony sadly nodded.

"He'll be back tomorrow morning and you'll be the only one to welcome him back, so-"

"Just me?" Asked the other, alarmed. 

"I want to talk with Fury about Steve's health status, and the others are out on a mission for a few days."

"Oh God..."

"Please." Bruce sighed, staring patiently, "Just don't make him feel worse, okay?" He finished, standing up.

"Forgetting everything would make things a lot easier..." commented a tired Tony.

"Steve doesn't need to forget: he has lost so much, but he needs to understand that he has also found something in this future... something worth staying for. Maybe the only good thing out of the mess you made, is that he started to realize that."

Tony looked at him in silence.

"You are a Stark, yet sometimes you can't see the thing simply for what they are." Retorted the doctor, shaking his head with a grin, leaving the laboratory.

"Bruce."

He stepped back, looking over the doors.

Tony looked at him and then said, "Thanks for the ice." The doctor nodded, going back to the floor below.

"Sir, the BB1 check is complete." Said JARVIS.

Tony sent his head back, "And?" He asked, staring at the ceiling.

"The same result obtained by the other one hundred and seventy checks."

The inventor breathed deeply, "I guess it's the sign I was waiting for." He said, leaning the ice bag on his face. 

 

It was about five o'clock in the morning when JARVIS partly opened some of the windows in the hall under the laboratory and the weak light of the morning cleared the space in front of the elevator from which, after the sweet _ding_ , Steve Rogers appeared covering a yawn with his hand; a sports coat over a gray SHIELD's shirt and a pair of dark sweatpants; a backpack on the shoulder and a plastic bag in one hand.

"Captain Rogers, welcome back." Greeted the low and calm voice of the AI.

"Thanks... it's nice to be back home." He smiled, leaving the backpack on the couch. Turning, he smiled: there was a small cake locked in a glass case on the bar's counter and moving closer to it, he noticed a card placed beside it: "Welcome back Steve. Don't run away again or we'll kill you." He read the message out loud and snorted a laugh, seeing the names of all the Avengers on the back of the card.

"Mr. Barton and Miss Romanov could not be here to receive you Captain, but I can wake up Dr. Banner, he would be happy to-"

"No, JARVIS, thank you." Said Steve, "Let him sleep. Even Tony is-?" Instinctively he sent his gaze to the lab and noticed a faint light, “Figurers.” He commented shaking his head. Once upstairs, he watched all the futuristic equipment and the computers turn off, except two that lit up the sleeping form of the inventor.

Tony was leaning on the table, his head resting on his arms, one elbow resting on the head of Dummy, the little robot that was motionless in its place, and for once he seemed really asleep, which was rare to see.

Steve walked slowly, his eyes wandering in the laboratory.

It was then that Dummy reactivated itself, turning the metal head and Tony almost fell off the chair, straightening his back and head all of sudden, "Calibrations-" He muttered confused, his hair more messy than normal. He looked around and noticed Captain America turning towards him. He stared at the soldier for a moment then said, "Steve."

"Good morning." He greeted him, coming closer, "I think I woke up Dummy. Sorry."

Tony closed and opened his eyes slowly, and after another pause he said, "Steve you shouldn't be here."

"No?"

"No. I mean, yes, but it's-" he looked at the computer's clock and turned back toward him again, "It's five o'clock in the morning. What happened? You managed to escape from Fury's prison? I'd be curious to know how... anyway the others are not here today. There's Bruce. Bruce, right.. I'll wake Bruce."

Steve laid a hand on his shoulder to keep him sat, "Tony, I just come back home sooner, and I just said good morning. Relax." He said calmly.

"Oh. Uh. Ok... 'morning."

"Here." Steve took out of the plastic bag a container that held five plastic glasses of different types of drinks that he rested on the table, pulling out one that had Tony written on it. "Finding a place open at this time wasn't easy, but Agent Hill gave me some advice. I didn't know that the others were already gone. New mission?"

"Y-yeah." Tony took the paper glass, staring at his own name, then looked up at the other who returned the gaze raising his eyebrows, puzzled. "Thanks." Tony threw out before returning to look at the coffee.

"You're welcome." Steve remained standing, pulling out his own coffee. He took a sip and looked at the other that was focused on removing the plastic cap, "You okay?"

"Uh? Yes. Sure, everything's fine."

Steve stared at him doubtful, "The wound is healing well?"

"Yeah, will be okay in a few weeks." Tony continued to stare at the coffee then, in a burst of intelligence that seemed to run low that morning, he asked "How's the checkups? Everything in order?"

Steve snorted, "As if you didn't know that already." He said, but realized that the question had to be a serious one because Tony looked at him as if he had said he had destroyed one of his Iron Man suits by mistake, "You... you didn’t know? I thought you asked Fury or- you had checked their computer from here."

"Spying on SHIELD's data it's not my daily hobby. We can still call it SHIELD? There’s still a SHIELD?" 

"For now." He nodded, "But I'm not sure who or what it's part of it."

"So… basically no more SHIELD?"

"Probably no more SHIELD." Confirmed Steve.

 _How many times will you be able to start over?_ Tony kept the question to himself and swallowed a sip of coffee, muttering in a sign of assent.

Steve looked at him for a moment then smiled patiently and said, "And no, what happened in Stirling doesn't seem to have had an impact on my patriotic brain." He explained, enjoying the other's amused grin.

"Are you sure? Irony wasn't one of your strong points, before." 

"I learn quickly."

"Yeah..." Tony lowered his gaze back into the glass.

Steve wasn't sure about talking or not, in the end he said "Listen, I-"

"Almost forgot!" Tony jumped up so suddenly that Steve almost jumped as well. Tony left the coffee on the table and went behind one of the desks and when he got up again, he held the shield of Captain America in his hands. "You left it here."

"Better here than hand it over to Fury’s staff." Steve said as he approached, staying across the table.

"Wise decision." Tony nodded staring at the shield in his hands. He took a deep breath, ready to talk.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm-" Tony lifted his head up, staring at him puzzled, "What?"

"These days I have been thinking about what happened, and I realized that I didn't apologize for what I said on the day of my accident... and after." Steve explained quietly, staring at him, "I know very well that you too have lost people you cared about. I was angry, I was hurt, but it wasn’t a valid excuse for telling you those things and I'm sorry. It's never easy losing someone. For anyone."

Tony stared at him in surprise, because Bruce had predicted that Steve would've spent the days at the hospital thinking about the whole thing, but mainly because, contrary to what he had imagined, Steve hadn't spent those days to mature a grudge, but... understanding? This was Captain America at his finest?

No... probably this was Steve Rogers. Simple and pure Steven Rogers, the man of the past that maybe the future still needed.

"It was a mistake." Tony said without thinking, "What I did, what I wanted to do, it was all a mistake and I know it, I shouldn’t have tried to make you forget, was- it was your life, Rogers, and I just jumped in it like an idiot, but I did it because- I tried to give you the chance to live like you wanted because I believed that you deserved it, and then you said you actually wanted to forget everything, so... I mean, who better than you deserves another chance?".

Steve managed only to blink and say "Tony, you don’t-" 

"Yes, _I did_." He interrupt, "And Bruce was right, Nat- Natasha was perfectly right to call me a mad scientist. I mean, it was- it was crazy, it was- I don't even know how to describe it. Playing with your memories, deceiving you, lying... it doesn't make me a better person than Hydra's and what they did. To you, to Bucky... and to all the others." For a moment he imagined himself in one of the Hydra labs, ready to study every single part of the body of Captain America, lying motionless on a cold operating table...

Tony put a hand over his mouth, not sure to restrain a scream or retching.

The embrace that caught him soon after shook him back to reality, but the horrible feeling lingered in his throat.

"Tony, please, don't compare yourself to them." Said Steve hugging him. He felt him tense in his arms and shook his head, "You're not like them. You didn’t do any experiments on me, nor on anyone. You did it for my own good, I know that. Maybe in a reckless way, but- that's how you do everything."

Tony lowered his shoulders, arms falling weak along his sides, "I'm sorry. Steve, I'm so sorry..." Tony said, voice almost broken by that terrible image that still made him shiver. "If something had gone wrong… or if you had become something that you didn't want to be-"

"That's enough, okay?" Steve separated a bit from him and put his hands to the sides of his head: "Listen: you didn't do any of this. I'm okay, you're okay...wound aside, and I have already forgiven you. You wanted to take on yourself all the blame for giving me my freedom, but that's something that I really can't allow you to do. It wouldn't be fair. "

"But-"

"You chose long ago to be a good person, to be Iron Man... and my friend. You know very well who and what you are and I assure you that nothing has changed. You're still the same person that drives me crazy in every mission, but we all are proud of you, including myself."

Tony looked in those blue eyes that slowly made disappear the horrible feeling of being a bloody butcher. "You're sure about that?" He asked with a slight, very slight hint of a smile.

Steve, though, noticed it and nodded, hugging him again, more slowly, "Oh, Tony... Starks are always something out of the ordinary, but most of the time in a good way." 

Tony allowed himself a deep breath in the security that being in the arms of Steve Rogers could give, resting the arm that was still holding the shield on his back, as if to protect him in that moment when the soldier looked so much Steve and so little Captain America.  
Slowly, he separated from him. Tony stared at the shield for a moment then looked up at the other that was still staring at him with a caring expression, and asked, "You really believe that? You trust me?"

"I do." Was the simply and honest answer.

Tony took a deep breath again, nodding to him to follow to the elevator. They went up a few floors, near the top of the building, entering the hall that Tony had made almost a copy of the one in his house in Malibu, with different armor placed in metal and glass cases, ready to be used. They stopped in the circular area in the middle and Tony said “Take us down, J." The base began to descend, leading to a smaller area below, revealing other suits fixed on the walls.

"How many labs do you have in this building?" Said Steve sarcastically. 

"Well, it's mine. Try to imagine." Tony replied with a half smile, and walked closer to one of the closed cabins. He hit some other buttons and then stepped back, side by side with Steve. "I really hope that you meant all the things you told me before."

Steve looked puzzled and then turned to the cabin that was opening and widened his eyes in surprise: over a glass plate, there was the motionless body of Bucky, the Winter Soldier. It was as he remembered it during the fight on the bridge, the only difference was the metal breastplate that was on him: it was part of the armor of Iron Man, but instead of the blue glowing light, the core was an empty black hole.

"He was dead." Immediately said Tony, and saw him take a step forward towards the container, "I know what you're thinking, but I assure you that-"

"Explain." Said Steve, the voice firm, without looking back.

Tony obeyed: "When you passed out in the river, I saw him nearby. He wasn't dead yet, but it was a matter of time. I used part of the armor to stop the bleeding and then I brought it here but he was officially dead during the journey. I had to make sure you were alright so I hid him here before, well, kind of hibernating him and-"

"Why?"

"Because I didn't know what would happen at your awakening. I thought you wanted to at least say goodbye... Bury him somewhere..." Tony held his breath when he saw him turn around: Steve's face wasn't angry, he was tense but... it didn't seem a bad sort of tension, wasn't the kind that makes you appear ready to jump at the throat of Tony Stark for having hidden the almost dead corpse of your best friend who you thought he had killed in battle.

"So... he's dead?" Asked Steve. 

"He was until two days ago." Tony said immediately, "While you were under Fury's care, his heart started beating again. JARVIS did some tests and he seems to be- kind of well."

"Kind of well how?"

"In a coma. The wound seems to be healing, but very slowly... the armor and the cabin are keeping him alive, but he can't be awoke yet. _If_ he manages to wake up. More tests should be made, see if he has something similar to your regenerative skill or-" Tony looked away from Bucky to send his gaze back on the other, "What?" He asked, finding the soldier staring intently at him, then quickly said, "l would have told you, I swear. I wanted to tell you as soon as you were back..." and when he saw him smile, a quite sad smile but still a smile, Tony felt a weight- maybe not fall completely from his back but... lighten. Lighten a lot.

"You saved him."

"I killed him."

"And then you saved him."

"He might not wake up at all, he could-"

"Tony." This time it wasn't the tone of Captain America, only Steve calling his name and apparently it was enough to silence him, "Why do you always have this horrible habit of underestimating every good thing you do?" 

And those words were enough to make him blush beneath his beard, "Yeah, well... it doesn’t happen very often. Matter of habit. Not used to it." Tony cleared his throat, "Anyway, the choice of what to do with him is yours. No one knows he's here."

"Not even Bruce? Neither Sharon?"

"Very funny. No, not even Bruce. Fury doesn't know, neither Hill nor Pepper, no one. As you said, the matter is between you two. I'm just staying in the corner again and cheering. In fact, I'll leave you to think in peace, so- "

Steve grabbed him by the shoulder, making him stay. "You've never been in the corner, Tony." He told him, "You're not physically able to remain still in any corner... and I am grateful for that." He tightened the grip on his shoulder a little, "Thanks."

Tony nodded, feeling the blush again, but he stayed, both of them watching Bucky silently. 

He was still clutching the shield of Captain America on his arm, as if it were his personal lifesaver. And with Steve's hand still tight on his shoulder, he kind of started to feel like a lifesaver himself.

Maybe he wasn't, maybe he wasn't at all, but Steve was smiling again, no more lies and- and honestly it was just a nice, warm feeling... 

Not bad at all.

.  
.  
.

END.

Note:  
Too sweet? Probably. I'll regret it? Of course not.  
Thanks for reading!


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